“When did Dunkin’ Donuts go full orange?” I wondered this out loud the other day, while driving past the infamous fast food sugar joint. This place has been up in my hometown since I was a kid, and its design’s always been an even mix of pink and orange – not this new sunset colored theme. “It looks like Auto Parts store. Or a biohazard bin,” I thought. And it.. Read More
KFC’s made edible coffee cups. Because there’s nothing Americans won’t eat.
Jesus, KFC. I was kidding when I said that it’d be a great idea to make Heart Attack Grill a fast food chain. (Actually, I wasn’t – but I was hoping I’d get to be the one heading it and thus profiting from it; but that’s alright. Moving on.) On the heels of the blood clogging news that was Kentucky Fried’s double down dog, now comes a novelty coffee. One.. Read More
How other nation’s high school lunch noms compare to ours…
Not terribly long ago, I wrote about how terrible high school lunches are. There’re plenty of lelfies (lunch selfies – a word I’m pretty sure I just made up) being posted up to Twitter with the hashtag #thanksmichelleobama demonstrating how awful they truly are, so the evidence is clearly there. And I recall it myself from one million years ago – it’s just that, sadly, nothing’s improved since I left… Read More
“Let’s do lunch.”
“Let’s do lunch….” Lunch. Dinner. Brunch. I’ve got a love-hate relationship with the lot of them since I quit drinking and did a diet makeover. Let’s start with the good, though. When I used to enjoy going out to eat, it was because I knew I could order a tall glass of conscious-changer and let the poison do the communicating for me as it coursed through my veins. Under my.. Read More
The “Starbucks Effect”: Our legal dealer’s raising house prices a latte.
“Why don’t you just move back to the West coast?” I asked my mom recently over a tall soy latte of some sort. She and my dad have been living in the only childhood home I remember for the past 26 plus years or so. But they both always kinda wax nostalgic about their time in Northern California (especially this time of year when we’re entrenched in ice and the.. Read More
Korean girls trying American snacks (video)
As a yes-and to my Brits-getting-fat-in-America diet, comes this fantastic video: I didn’t make it through the whole thing (cue Sweet Brown meme). But about halfway through, you start to get a really good idea of just what our food’s done to us. Koreans who’ve never had the pleasure of dining on the SAD (Standard American Diet) try some of our most iconic snackfoods – from pop tarts to Twizzlers.. Read More
It’s raining mein… chow-lelujah.
It’s like free grocery day for college kids on I-95 ‘cause this thing tipped over… View post on imgur.com It’s raining mein… chowlelujah! And it spilled the pre-packaged noodley goodness all over a more southern part of the same freeway I take whenever I feel like I’m not angry or in hate enough with the world and need humanity’s stupidity to help me out a bit. And what makes me.. Read More
Roided out on habanero
I used to date a hot sauce addict. He loved the spicy shiz – he and his best buddy. And when we’d go out, they’d request the full on five-pepper scored fiery chimeras. Ya know – the kind you’ve gotta ask the waiter for, whereupon they go to that top shelf all the way in the back closet of the kitchen to get it. Then said server would return with.. Read More
The 10 New Year’s Eve Inebriation Commandments
Greetings my sweet, sloshed lambs. On this eve of 2015, as you cure the disease of sobriety in the company of friends, I won’t be joining you. However, as a seasoned and canonized veteran of the tradition, I’ve much wisdom to bestow. Thus, I’ve magnanimously constructed the following easy-to-follow commandments for after last call, so that you may get home safely and wake up alive in the morning (wishing you.. Read More
Morphine-ated mozzarella: why you’re addicted to cheese
“The government’s trying to control my mind? With cheese?!” *Eyeroll.* I saw this comment on an anti-cheese post today. About five years ago, I’d have been right there with the best of these people, double fisting pitchforks – one to stab cheese slanderers with, and one to stab the nearest block of Gouda and eat it whole. Even when I finally quit cheese, it wasn’t for any of those anti-establishment.. Read More