Quickly answer this: Could you identify with a necrophiliac? Aha! Because I’m psychic, I know that your first thoughts just went to Ted Bundy, didn’t they? Indeed, it’s hard to break away from the associations that icons – be they infamous or just famous – usher to the forefront of our minds. We know that Dahmer ate biceps because he was too lazy to go to the gym and make.. Read More
IRL Siberian Adventure Time is better than the chick version
From Lassie to Jake the Dog, I’ve always liked the idea of person-like pup. Ya know, someone to help me uncover the hidden treasure my Teddy Ruxpin map led to. However, most of my IRL pets were barely capable of surviving their own lives, much less saving princesses or stealing booty or stealing booty from princesses (I was a precocious kid). Like, for instance, there was that one who liked.. Read More
Face under pressure: art of the ugly cry
Hello all, I’m Aphrodite’s bastard child and I’m staying with Ashley for a bit until my mom gets her shit together (she wouldn’t upgrade my ios or let me use the car this weekend). So I ran away, I’m here, and I’ve hijacked Ashley’s page while she’s out running errands. I’m not going to be here long because all she eats is the food my food eats. However, I’d like.. Read More
Film review: Disconnect
I haven’t done a film review in a while. Mostly because I haven’t found that many new flicks worth giving a chance. That said, I just watched “Disconnect” – a film from a few years ago. And I’mma have to give it a B+. (It went up from a C rating because of Skarsgard and earned a plus because this’s in it): It reminded me of a Coppola film –.. Read More
More awesomery from Rowling
I spotlighted J.K. Rowling’s awesomeness recently. That was because her capacity to wage metaphorical war on racism via fantasy is pretty much epic and deserved mention. While my first instinct was to say that today’s yes-and tale tacks on to that fact – but that the recent story in question is of a different caliber – that’d be in poor taste. ’cause it involves a gun shooting victim. So, we.. Read More
Hitchhikers guide to terraforming mars.
I just watched Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy for the first time this week. And my thoughts were 1. Mos Def is most awesome 2. I really thought when the dude asked him what to “leave out of new earth” at the end, he was going to say “seaworld” (‘cause of how it began with the dolphins leaving the earth from cruel orca captivity when it was about to blow.. Read More
More stores tricking me into being a money slut
I knew these retail demons had more up their sleeves than meets the eye. And they have more than meets the nose too. And ears. And math-brain-center. I’ve written about money trickery before, but I didn’t realize the hacking of our pocketbooks also hacks our olfactory bulbs. Indeed their light-bulb ideas span to sense hijacking beyond the predictable product placement and fake sales. Wait, did somebody say “bake sale”? No,.. Read More
Root for the villain: Alex DeLarge
Welcome to a new series, where I encourage you to root for the bad guys of film. Feel confused about that animal attraction you have to the sociopathic rapist? Shh… shhh. Don’t try to fight it. I can help you understand why cinema psychos are your bread and butter. And speaking of dairy food, we’ll start with the milk-drinking droog of Kubrik’s A Clockwork Orange. It’s hard to hate Alex.. Read More
OSU Band director fired for not being a snitch
So this OSU dude got fired because the shitty band brats he directed were hazing eachother. Apparently, these post high school nerds were inducting freshman to the group by ritualistically passing on the baton of grab-assery. And director Jon Waters got left with the shitty end of the drum stick. Why? Because the “simulated sex acts” and “members responding to demeaning nicknames of other members” and “groping” they did all.. Read More
Expect nada and get a lotta
At the peak of my Daria life-outlook (following a down-in-flames relache), I had a motto: “Expect nothing from anyone and never be disappointed.” At the time, I was trying to passively convey the morose message of “I’ve obviously been hurt but I want to look like a badass so I’ll show all of you by never trusting anyone again and pretending I’m Beatrice Kiddo, exacting revenge on random men like.. Read More