Those stories about moms lifting cars off kids get referenced all the time. You’ll hear them especially when people want to support a mind-over-matter argument. But in these mother truck lifters, there’s a genetic urge backing it, right? I mean, I always thought it was like our brain jumps in, all, “That’s mine! I made that creature meant to carry on my legacy via the little blueprint helixes I made.. Read More
What’ll really happen on Z-day
A couple times now, I’ve heard the government’s got a Z-day plan. For those who slept through Zombie 101, Z-day is that inevitable hour when the clock strikes apocalypse o’clock and the undead begin trolling the streets for living snacks on legs. And while there was indeed a plan for this at the Pentagon, it was actually just a training exercise using an outlandish example. However, it is surmised that.. Read More
Villainous valets pilfering for pay
Ever wonder what the valet does once in your Ferrari? Me either. Because I’ve never been in a Ferrari and my last valet encounter was at the ER. But for the woefully wealthy, it’s a nuisance they must face every day if they’d like to lunch with Lindsay and maintain an appearance of relevance in their glittering social strata. “I was certain I had a couple more of these “.. Read More
Aqua-quan town
I live for those “I could die right now” moments. But I don’t mean the saccharine amorous encounters like meeting the love of your life (or even just someone who can make you explode spontaneously in your pants). I mean being in the store when a violent fight breaks out. Or getting stranded miles from home without your car when you spot a tornado. Or digging your own grave in.. Read More
Schizopreferences (eclectic cardio tunes)
You know when you’re having a shitty run and then suddenly that one song comes on your ipod that changes everything? Yeah. I need more of those in my life. For this betch, it’s inconceivable to workout without my ipod fully charged first. I live for that little extra adrenaline boost music offers. That autonomic sensory tingly thing. That Rocky jogging up the stairs and thrusting his dukes up in.. Read More
Earth’s just a giant Truman Show. Let’s leave.
So, my buddy Richard used to tell me how he had those fleeting moments where he’d start to wonder “what if I’m in my own Truman show? And everyone’s watching me?” He’d usually get the feeling when something strange would happen here in reality. Neo: “There’s a glitch in the Matrix!!!!1” Tech Support: “I see. Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Like, if it’d be raining as.. Read More
This is your captain speaking. Burn your passports.
For some reason, I got my passport updated six years ago. #delusionsofplandeur And as the weather improves, I realize I’ve yet to partake in the cliché Eat, Pray, Malaria experience I so long to enjoy. Part of it’s lack of funds. Part of it’s plain old fear of the unknown. Part of it’s that I have a finite amount of patience when it comes to airports (and I feel like.. Read More
Eye of Ho[r]cus – Secret Society (P.1)
Ohhh. Let’s paint eachother’s toes and talk secret societies. Much like the something-awful implantation of horrid rappers into pop songs, it’s hard to find a pop music viddy sans imagery people call “occult” or “illuminati”. Go Youtube your favorite betch blowing notes and the comment section’s littered with accusations of the satanic persuasion. Don’t get me wrong here. I totally believe there’s more to social constructs than meets the all-seeing-eye… Read More
Eye of Ho[r]cus – Secret Society (P.2)
Why are occult accusations about the “all seeing eye” such BS? 1. TOO OBVIOUS. They wouldn’t show spooky mysterious documentaries on T.V. (much less the entertainment channel) called “secret societies”. Seriously. The Internet is one place to share conspiracy theories. Television, I imagine, would be a little more closely guarded, observed, and controlled if some faceless power hungry force were gearing up for a new world order on the shoulders.. Read More
Eye of Ho[r]cus – Secret Society (P.3)
So, wait. All these symbols we’ve been calling occult mean celebs…just… meditate? That’s boring. Why not just say so then? WHY SO MYSSSSTEERIOUS? Same reason you don’t spout off about your religion. That, and greed, maybe. We know this gland can make us more awake and aware. It can make us read other people better too. But it takes a little work. Like acquiring gold. That makes it rare. So,.. Read More