RF: So, Ashley! All of your exes are either engaged, married, or close to it! AO: Oh… they are? RF: Yeah… you didn’t know? AO: Yeah, no… I didn’t really give it much thought RF: Well… it’s true! So are – uh – most of the people you know and love… (awkward pause). Don’t you check Facebook? The pictures? The ultrasound defaults? The photos of bitches getting hitched? (another awkward.. Read More
Not a Babysitter.
Okay, don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate all kids. But I didn’t have kids for a reason, and it was NOT so that I could babysit yours. I work as a physical therapy tech. So when parents bring their kids in, they need to keep them quiet, keep them from mashing their snacks into the floor, and tell them not to bug me while I’m trying to work. Not-a-babysitter… Read More
Elisha Cuthbert goes #2 in the Ocean :/
Okay, no, she didn’t. It’s seaweed. I hope. Anyway, apologies – that was a crude and false pretense to get you to come here. But first – before you turn away in disappointment, yes – that is her, just a few humans larger in weight than when she filmed “The Girl Next Door” or “My Sassy Girl” or all those movies with “Girl” in it, where she’s walking in slow.. Read More
To Serve Assault and Protect Paychecks
“Dad!”…”Dad!”…”Dad!” The bloodcurdling cries of A 37 year old man pierce the night, as he screams out in vain for his father – who isn’t even present- to help save him. He is being beaten and tasered to what will be a slow and violent death in the streets of Fullerton, California, in a duel of six large, fit, men versus one unarmed, homeless man of 135 lbs. Bystanders look.. Read More
“Picture Me”
THE GLITZ Sara Ziff’s documentary, “Picture Me” gives us a glimpse into the world of modeling and shows us what transpires on the “other side” … of both the camera and the catwalk. Her boyfriend, Ole, is a film student; Thus when she wished to chronicle her journey through the world of the waify supermodel, he willingly took on the task – following her fashionista adventures through the multi-tiered land.. Read More
Bust a Blood Lust
For my “True Blood” lovies out there. So, according to the show, vampires cry blood, they snot blood, they obviously bleed blood, and all of their bodily functions w/regard to fluids are… you guessed it: blood… So, then, not that the guy vamps would necessarily be turned off when girls have their lady time each month *anyway* (quite the contrary, I suppose, since that’s kinda their “thing”). However, I missed.. Read More
Adventures in W♀mderland
My girlfriend and I aimlessly spend afternoons texting back and forth – an endless conversation of what amounts to the typical female verbal dissection/hewing up and analyzing of our respective body parts. I am willing to make two bets: Firstly, that she and I aren’t the only duos discussing these “I could TREE hop with these tricep batwings of mine” conversation topics; And, secondly, that we do more psychological dissection.. Read More
“Super” (Ego)
It would be easy to make another Charlie Sheen joke…
… so, clearly, I’m going to keep doing it until he comes down off whatever it is he’s on. Megalomaniac mining through a mix of meth and mania episodes? Who knows. All I know, is that this blog entry may end up being added to, excised, or modified in general over the coming days as I see fit. But for now, I just want to throw out an idea. If.. Read More
NDM1 – Coming to a hospital near you!!
Since the dawn of Penicillin, bugs have been finding ways to combat our antibiotics. Why? Natural selection. Every time a species reproduces, the next generation will have some kind of mutation – a change in the genetic structure that preceded it. Sometimes these are bad mutations – and those members of the population die off. Sometimes, however, these mutations allow the species to live longer and survive more obstacles. Think.. Read More