Well, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who’s being perpetually victimized by rapid fire invitations for pointless games grown ass humans somehow have time to play on Facebook. I was going to spend this piece ruminating on a variety of possible reasons my thoughtless so called friends might be regressing to the level where they would actually do this to someone with whom they once shared a human connection. However, my real friends stepped up to the plate and clarified matters for me. First, my lovely sister replied to show she agreed, as part of a three part comment:
“It’s so annoying!”
Mmmkay. We’re off to a good start. You’ve my attention.
But it was her follow up commentary that truly elucidated matters for me: “I think they get more points if they invite ppl.”
Yes. Helpful to consider.
But then she ruined her three part comment explanache that had just made the world make sense for me again when she posed the following rhetorical inquiry to deleted-inviters: “One question: HOW DO YOU HAVE THE MUCH FREE TIME???” Great. Now I wonder this too. And it will distractingly haunt every crevice of my attempted productive workday. Until I get hungry. Because then that takes distraction priority.
My buddy Ben then piped up to add a painful pearl of wisdom to my sister’s:
“The people who value you don’t throw a bunch of spam at you. Unless they’re family, then they’ll spam the shit out of you, without remorse, because they know they’re safe.”
After meditating on it via a sip of sumatra, I decided I concur with this as well.
So, in keeping with my spiritual path, I’d like to focus on gratitude today. Namely about family members who don’t “spam the shit out of me” as my buddy so eloquently puts it. So, specifically, I’m grateful that my sister and brother and I prefer hobbies with a more full-bodied flavor. Like slinging snide taunts across the dinner table versus empty invites across the interweb-waves. I’m glad we all have jobs we enjoy enough not to sneak off and play ridiculous games when the boss isn’t looking (like that one 40-year-old telemarketer I used to work with in L.A. who’d go to the bathroom to smoke crack #truestory) Equally thankful am I about dear dad and mom. Friends and siblings can eat piñata full of after-cardio taint for all I care. They’ll be around a while. But when people who might die in a decade or two have an annoying request, it’s like emotional blackmail sitting in my email-conscience (which currently sends anything with the words “be careful” or “you should…” or “don’t” straight to the trash file before reading).
So, I’m in utter debt to whatever cosmic force continues to render them social-media illiterate.
And for the record, I’m still giving out Alanis style un-invitations like Oprah to game requesters. Invite me and I’ll delete you. And when you’ve come to your senses and miss my coveted, super chic, Wonka-esque facebook page, let these four words be the answer:
