Maybe I should join the military. That way my dog can love me as much as all these other dogs gone viral do when their humans return from deployment. I mean these mother fluffers get next-level amped at the sight of their soldier guardians, and mine just lays there like I’m some banal phantom when I meander back through my front door. She might put forth just enough effort to.. Read More
Wait, wait, WAIT a second. Because I just found out… cashews don’t grow in shells?! Yes, that’s right. But that’s not all. Not only do they fail to enter this world as delectably crunchy oyster pearls like the rest of their cohort group, but you might get dead (or just super sick) if you try to nom ‘em in their natch state. You see, they’re born in these tumorous necrotic-finger.. Read More
Some days I’m sorry I got on social media at all. It’s not like I have a choice, really. I mean, that’s part of what I do – get online, observe the fcckery unfolding around me (while equipped with my metaphorical theater snacks) and then try to weave the digital dinosaur diarrhea pouring from all corners of the interwebz into a glittering, golden, ensemble. But today, from everyone’s favorite filtered.. Read More
I heard an interesting theory today: “Some people just have bad luck.” Granted, there was a concession made – that through our level of awareness and lifestyle choices, we can either exacerbate or mitigate that. But that, despite all of that, some people just have a misfortune storm cloud hanging above them like some sentient inimical cumulonimbus. Like I said, it’s an interesting theory. I just, ya know, don’t share.. Read More
Remember that rescue dog I wrote about a couple weeks back? Well, we got her. After calling her a litany of randomly confusing names that probably turned the poor fuzzy fckker schizophrenic, my mom and sister settled on “Baby Girl” as her official title. (Ironic, given her gargantuan proportions.) And, I’ve got to admit, I love her almost as much as I love durian or jogging. The behemoth hound weighs.. Read More
A love bite is always fun. Ya know. Those little mid make-out sesh lip nibbles to let your partner know this isn’t gonna be your run of the mill vanilla evenings. Not tonight. No, sir. You spent the afternoon at your local run down MVC Late Night – the one with the dying blinking neon lights that they haven’t bothered to repair in four years. You’re ready to take this.. Read More
You know how people buy special Lululemon stuff to go run or yogacize in? I’m not one of ‘em. It’s not just cuzza some special hipster stance, either. Even though they’re another horn ‘n pitchfork corporation like the rest of ‘em out there, it’s admittedly a tough decision when a given brand arguably makes even the pancake-iest ass look at least a few clicks more Brazilian once your back hams.. Read More
I really wanted to finish that Sawyer interview, like I said I would. Because I want to really understand. And it’s not just ’cause I’m some empathetic saint who cares about things I can’t immediately relate to. No. This is pure full swing PMS talking right now. I want – nay – need to know why anyone would want to enter into this contract of crazy with their own body… Read More
I know, I know. Reality shows are the bathsalts of all television programming – but hear me out. ‘cause I’ve got a real winner on deck here. And don’t ask me what spurred a concept for this brand of idea. Because the answer, probably lies somewhere in those morning hour ruminations. You know? Where you’re still half awake? And your brain’s become the bed in which your sister’s description of.. Read More
So, this is my new form of self-gratification entertainment: Lately, I’ve been Youtube binging on other runners who also have spiraled down the deep rabbit hole of nature cardio. Trail jogging junkies. And, I’m not even going to pretend that it’s like my other view gorge seshes. No. This shiz is next level. It’s like porn for your feet. The moment I watched the above one, the skin of my.. Read More