Holy cough drops – this is a real thing?
Scientists in Southeast Asia are studying what’s called a “vampire squirrel”.
I mean, I’d heard of zombie fungus before – the one that infects ants – but that real life horror show left the entertain-me centers of my brain unsatisfied. That, I assume, was mostly because the ants didn’t really turn into the animated decaying – they just had their still-alive minds hijacked, were directed to a leaf, died, and then had fungus grow outta their heads Jack and the Beanstalk style.
(Alright. That sounds cooler when I say it out loud.)
Unlike these spore infested insects, the vamp rodents are creepy not because they can turn a creature immortal by nomming its jugular (‘cause they, ya know, can’t). Rather, in this case, one major creep factor is in the irony: for example – that the critter’s bushy, ample tail belies its capacity to eviscerate Bambi from below, gutting his innards with razor chompers.
Another creep factor is its selectivity.
We humans don’t like when other humans murder other other humans. We like even less when they get picky with the parts of bodies they extract. Why? ’cause it means it was premeditated – not a passion act – and they enjoy it a great deal. That’s not a fun thought for relatively normal folk. So when something that looks like your average tree rat pillages a pen of chickens and only eats their liver and heart leaving the rest to slowly decompose – it’s almost worse. Because, ya know, they’re effing animals. They’re not supposed to be so discerning with murder.
Fun as it is to sit and liken strange animals to True Blood or The Walking Dead, it’s really just another part of reality we don’t need to put in a black and white bucket or Hollywoodize (even though I totes do it). As people who have trouble with grey areas, we like to anthropomorphize animals for our convenience. And that’s fine if we remember that while we’re all basically the same, we were raised (or if you’re a different species – evolved) with varied experiences guiding us. That doesn’t make anyone – regardless of self-awareness level – a mythical beast. For example, today (Indie Day), you might do your annual barbecue of animal ribs while a person you’re very distantly related to in a tribe across the world eats flesh off human ribs.
Similarly, the Asian cousin of the squirrel you see dancing through the branches while you grill, has its grill balls deep in living dinner already.
C’est la veal.
#zingsuppersready