You know what campaign I hate right now?
“It gets better.”
Okay, hate might be a bit strong. I don’t personally identify with it enough for me to hate it on a serious level. I just, shall we say, dislike it for how misleading it is. Don’t get me wrong – I love the idea of inspiring kids and offering them a light to get through the darkness so that when they do reach out, there’s not an empty absent abyss where a helping hand should be. But do we have to do it with deceit?
“It” does not get better. “It” never changes.
You wanna know what “gets better”?
Us.
We do. Or we don’t. We either get a better outlook, a better sense of situational and self awareness, a better way of dealing with reality – or we don’t. You might become a successful CEO and eff life in its face hole every day. Or maybe you’ll move into a hippie commune and find yourself just as happy as a pig in shit.
Then again – you might just sit around – waiting for this majestic “it” to transform without you having to do anything at all – and then (when it doesn’t, because that’s not how reality works) you go shoot up the local college because life let you down and no one will go out with you. So, if I have any advice for kids, these days – I’m going to cut past the bullshit when I give it. And I suppose here and now’s as good a time as any to do exactly that.
Dear EveryMiddleAndHighSchool Inmate:
Hi. I’m 500 years old. And I’m a reformed bitchaholic.
Here to tell you the truth about how “it” gets after high school ends.
Let’s go in face first: People are still gonna be assholes a lot of places you go.
Yep. I said it. You’ll find cliques in colleges. You’ll find cliques around the water cooler at work. I mean, hell – turn on the T.V. and watch the “news”. You can’t tell me “The Five” isn’t the real life Mean Girls, all mic’d up and washed up at a Fox table instead of a lunch table. And that gossippy dog shit’s supposed to be part of the professional circle we go to for factual updates on the world. What basis do I have to speculate? Because I’ve seen both sides. I’ve been the asshole a lot of my life just so that I didn’t have to be the pariah on the outside. (Getting even a brief taste of that bitter dish prompts you to put on your ego-apron and cook up a whole social-survival style personality.)
And, now, I’m trying my hardest to change – though the struggle is real.
So, they still exist. They just improve their shade throwing game.
That ranges from the same shiz you see now – everything from passive aggression to backstabbing. (I’ve always preferred the former just because the latter’s kinda cowardly and sarcasm is more my style. What fun is stabbing if you can’t see your victim’s expression?) I remind you of these tips so you can recognize it and call ’em on it – both now and later – and practice flipping it on them now (calling them on their shit) because they’ll only get better at it later. Sooner you realize it’s about them getting kicked around by a drunk pops or teased by an older sister or something, the sooner you can use these insecurities against them (Here’s a good comeback, for instance: “Is that what your daddy says to you when he beats you up after school? OMG is that how you got those bruises?!” Trick is to look like you really care when you say it).
And speaking of parents, when you look around at them (yours or your friends’) do you really get a sense that things got better for them? Do they seem happy? If they do, then forget everything I’m saying. Stop reading. Follow their lead. But if the majority of adults seem miserable – why would you believe them? And why would you listen to a famous person saying “it gets better” anyway? They’re famous. On the off-chance you end up famous, it might get better for you the way it did for them. On the more likely chance you don’t, you’re going to need a better set o’ skills – or at the very least emulate the qualities they’d still have even without fame or money.
This may seem like a lot already. But, buck up. None of this is bad news and it’s not so grim as it sounds. In fact, it’s kind of great that you’re hearing this now. That way, you don’t have to wait around four years or more for life to throw you a fccking bone. Every day’s a race you can win, touchdown you can make, or however it is you win at World of Warcraft. (Someone enlighten me in the comment section).
And you can start now.
1. Yes, this is just as crucial to remember as it is hard to do so.
2. Fewer, Jack. Fewer fucks. #ProperEnglishNazi
Which reminds me – also read books (texts if that’s your thing, but mostly I say screw those. Read up on a lot of the more important ones that widen your views.) Watch consciousness raising documentaries. Then, use school to your advantage. Like cars? Stay after auto class to learn more about ’em. Like art? Join an art club after school #freesupplies. Or cultivate that one skill you know is the whole reason that – if there is a god – that cheeky bastard put you here to do in exchange for money. Then, obviously, meditating when shit gets overwhelming. Don’t even call it that. There’s no special position. No “om”. Just turn everything with lights and an Apple logo on it off, close your eyes, think of nada, and defrag for like ten minutes. It’ll be hard and you’ll probably suck at it at first, but that’s okay. Keep trying. You’ll thank me later when you aren’t overeating, unable to afford your sudden drug addiction, or trying to remember if wristcutting rules go “across the street” or “down the road” (hint: it’s not the first one).
And it’ll help keep you mindful of helpful, indisputable facts.
Some of which include knowing full well this shit’s gonna pass.
And when it does, you can do your “haters gonna hate” strut right down the graduation aisle and into your cushy new job. (Which the hot girl from high school who turned you down at prom will suddenly adore you for in twenty years once her options/looks and your ample salary start to share an inverse directional relationship. ) I add this bit for anyone feeling foreveralone right now (and most outcasts do, even if they claim they don’t care). People at any age like people who work hard and have something to show for it. Shows they’re committed to, confident about, and believe in something. That’s sexy. So find one’a those things for yourself.
Oh, what’s that? You don’t have one?
Wrong.
Your opinion is wrong.
You don’t have one YET.
Keep trying till you find a hobby.
One you love so much you dunno why it wasn’t assigned the day you exited your mother.
Sounds like a lot of work for a seemingly shitty lot in life you didn’t ask for, huh? Yeah, I get that. I still think that every morning when I wake up asking god why I couldn’t have just been a lillie pad or toadstool or something instead. But you know what helps me deal with that? Remembering the fact that on SOME level, every goddammned person in the world is thinking the same thing – if only fleetingly – about whatever it is they’re going through too that I can’t be bothered to consider because I’m too solipsistic. Jesus, that’s a relief. That means they’re all just as awkward as I am and that I’m the missing piece in my own puzzle of awesomery. Just like they are for theirs. If I meet this thing we’ve all agreed to call “life” halfway every day, I’ll be a’rright. And you know what? I am.
So, my imminent adults everywhere who’ve just scrolled to the end for the summary:
Invest in “it” – so “it” can get better.
Keep that in mind and you’ll be great and do great.
Lots of love,
A reformed bitchaholic