I get confused about Frankenfood.
When I hear the word “GMO”, I think “Monsanto”. And when I think of the ominous “Monsanto”, I imagine the HQ factory being located in a castle atop a windy hill, behind creaky iron gates, where the backdrop is always either a dramatic thunderstorm or dark clouds forebodingly prepared to transform into one at any given moment. And, naturally, an unnatural field of corn and soy sits behind it which demon children tend to in order to grow DNA altered food for the masses.
Right?
That’s what I thought! But not according to Neil deGrasse Tyson – the fatherly science figure who I love and adore watching on The Cosmos and just want to climb through the screen and cuddle while he tells me the tale of dark matter and black holes as a bedtime story. He stepped in not terribly long ago to say how GMO’s a good thing. Nothing to fear. He’s surprised we’re so ig’nant.
And I respect him, so I gave it a listen:
Alright Neil. I see what you’re saying, kinda.
It’s similar to how when we bred wolf-dogs and they spawned everything from inch-high mops to things that look like hairy skeletal end tables. Still (and I’m not sure what that guy asked in French), I feel like, yes: I may want to – not complain, as you say – but um avoid the lab grown stuff, mayhaps? The question isn’t whether plant genes have been modified. You’re quite right – they have been tweaked by breeding for ages. But it’s how they’re tweaked that matters to me. And if that “how” is happening in a lab, then I can’t see it. That’s not a fear-tactic I’m falling for, but a trust one.
Trust is something you have to earn.
And big companies like Monsanto that happen to do lab GMO have also had a reduced level of trust from the public. That’s both because of how they do bizz and how they play petri dish crop god Gene Wilder style in the bowels of what I’m still imagining is the Addams Family home turned laboratory.
Good question, Tom!
Glad you asked. Would you want your noms grown from seeds that have pesticides built into the genetic makeup before they get put into the ground to marinate like a transforming True Blood vampire? And then that have more pesticides poured on top of them once they pop above ground to carry out the rest of my horror metaphor by slowly draining the life out of you once they reach your belly organ? Maybe I’m wrong and it’s good ’cause it’ll cause more survival-of-the-fittest weeds that’ll be screaming “FEED ME, Seymour” and eating all the Big-Ag staff within the next couple’ve years.
But if Monsanto taught me anything, it’s that you can’t wait for nature.
So, I’ll con-seed (#zing), I’ve had a fear based misunderstanding of “GMO” in general until deGrasse helped me understand. The internet’s Odyssey-like quality is that it’s all lies mixed with the truth as you navigate its endless map. Since I’m not in this company’s lab dungeon taking notes as they inject genes into plant babies, I can’t confirm how it goes down – unless all parties don’t deny facts. And the undeniable facts include that McSanto is patenting its seeds that end up getting carried by wind and wildlife and mystical impish woodland sprites to poor unassuming farmer-neighbors’ land down the way. And that means their patented stuff ends up everywhere. This has two drawbacks: First, it hurts those poor farmers who don’t want their crap crop interloper in the first place but have nothing else. They go broke because Monsanto playground bullies them with demands for the patented seed lunch money or a knuckle sandwich law suit.
Also, after spreading their mutant jizz everywhere like Marlon Brando, the end result is that more of their shiz ends up in your grocery store. Ick. So, thanks to badass Neil, I understand now – it’s not that I hate the idea of GMO in general. I just had the wrong idea about it and thus the the wrong definition for it. What I do distrust is what’s happening in the lab and what I do hate is the idea of this non-nom conglomerate and their type of GMO specifically. And their GMO is slowly taking over the globe.
So, yeah. Gonna try to stick to stuff grown from the natch patch for now.
(Mandatory pause to acknowledge how “natch patch” sounds like a 70’s nether muff.)
Meanwhile, I’ll munch organic popcorn and wait to see which apocalypse comes first:
The rise of self-aware robots?
Or mass human genocide led by suddenly sentient spawns of gene spliced seeds?
#Corn-centrationCamp