Do you even thrift, bro?

So, this is my new form of self-gratification entertainment: Lately, I’ve been Youtube binging on other runners who also have spiraled down the deep rabbit hole of nature cardio. Trail jogging junkies. And, I’m not even going to pretend that it’s like my other view gorge seshes. No. This shiz is next level. It’s like porn for your feet. The moment I watched the above one, the skin of my.. Read More

Where is my god now?

Not a week after I write about my betrothed trail, do I get this big steaming pile of camel turd: That, ladies and gentlemen, is what they’re gonna do to my number one, wifey, go-to trail. A boardwalk. Right smack dab in the middle of my tranquility locale. My home away from home. Where my brain goes to rest theta style for a while, while my stems do all the.. Read More

Nature facts: Chick chimps are hungry whores paid by mugger males

My Twit-feed often asks us the more relevant life-questions: How do we transcend low vibrational consciousness? Can we save the planet? Which hole will a chick chimp fill first when she’s hungry and her homeboy’s horny? What happens when male chimps seek sex but females are more interested in food? — National Geographic (@NatGeo) April 16, 2015 Ah, yes. This was the transcendent aha moment I’d been seeking all.. Read More

Obstacles ahead… and behind.

On the sneaker heels of my “addiction” rant, is this one, today: About how I’m being denied my trail-jog addiction. And how this one betch is killing my vibe even when I’m not. You see, I try to make my jogs a peaceful thing. Calm. Tranquil. The opposite of how I used to be at the gym (“The answer’s yes – if you’re on the machine next to me, we’re.. Read More

I’m green with…

I’ve never understood the term “green with envy”. If ever colors and feelings had associations (which if you’re a synesthetic or into the whole chakra-balancing thing, mayhaps they do), green is the least jealous-bish inducing shade I can think of. On the contrary, it’s one of the few rare things that can make me think, “I should be a little bit nicer to everyone I keep saying I love before.. Read More

How long would you last battling a leopard with a sickle?

A 56-year-old Indian woman? Fighting off an attacking leopard? With a sickle? (Yes. That’s a tiger. Well done, nitpick Nancy.) As much as I love animals, I adore a good story about self-defense ass kicking. I immediately thought of Dorothy cuffing Tinman’s axe and slaying all the lions, tigers, and bears closing in on them like Uma Thurman with the Crazy 88 – culminating in an end-scene, final warrior pose.. Read More

Mantis vs. hummingbird – who wins?

Mmmkay, class. Starting off class with a nature documentary today. Was it wrong of this guy to interfere with nature? Some have compared this to slapping a cheeseburger out of someone’s hands. I feel like that’s a stupid analogy because the cheeseburger isn’t mooing for its life anymore. We’ve neatly cleaned our hands of that task by allowing the slaughterhouse to do the work. If this mantis were about to.. Read More

Nature’s oddities: Beach Barf

Excited about imminent vacation? Well, don’t marvel at that vast azure sea in too much wonder. ’cause Kurt Cobain was right. Mother nature is a whore – a whore of the shores. Like the aqueous lovechild of some Odysseyean whirlpool and a fortune cookie, the ocean’s been vomiting a plethora of treasures onto sparkly sands willy nilly – ranging from legos to leg-bottoms. (“…and that’s how ginger fish really got.. Read More