Holy cough drops – this is a real thing? Scientists in Southeast Asia are studying what’s called a “vampire squirrel”. I mean, I’d heard of zombie fungus before – the one that infects ants – but that real life horror show left the entertain-me centers of my brain unsatisfied. That, I assume, was mostly because the ants didn’t really turn into the animated decaying – they just had their still-alive.. Read More
The tortoise and the airhead
The other day, I saw a lady stationary jogging – in the middle of the street. Yeah! Just like that – except she was 200 with kyphotic posture and varicose veins. Perplexed, I halted my own jog – safely off to the side of the road – and watched as she flagged down passing cars, one by one, narrowly missing being hit each time. They’d nod, issue a quizzical look,.. Read More
Cooper-ape-ing for a common goal
Is acting catty and cliquey a vestigial monkey-mind thing? We’ve (“We” as a unified people who share data. Not me, personally) looked at chimps before to see how well they cooperate when working toward a common goal. Sometimes they were kinda douchey about it (can you blame them, when they’re stuck in captivity?) but now an Emory study took it a step further. By replicating a setup that was a.. Read More
GnatNado is gross but Mother Nature’s been worse
Is it old news if something happened last week and I’m just learning about it? Like a mosquito twister, for instance? Because I feel like a funnel cloud comprised of flying vampire bugs isn’t something that loses it’s lustre on the info front. We need to know about these things and teach them at church – right between communion and the handing out of pitchforks and torches to defend the.. Read More
Denial is a treehouse in VA
Days like today, I have this thought: “My life would be so much better – if I just had a treehouse… Just there beyond my balcony.” (“Hi. I’m Ashley’s balcony.”) My mythical branch mansion would have a short bridge – built of wooden slates – which I would traverse during summer evenings like this one with my tea in tow. And there I’d spend every warm night in sultry slumber,.. Read More
Trophy beasts (exotic pets)
Great news, you animal lovers! You know the hopes and dreams you had of running your own cartel across the border by the time your were 25? Well, just because you’re not blowing through bills like a behind-the-scenes billionaire in a villa, doesn’t mean you can’t live like them! Or at least pretend you do! Step 1: Ball like a mah-fugga. Step 2: Wed like a Christian: (where are they.. Read More
Irrational Ashley: Arachnophobia
It’s time we stopped to really do some pontification on a matter of importance: Why are spiders so terrifying? It’s one thing when they’re en masse. That’s gross for anyone. Even butterfly swarms can be sort of unnerving (they’re still bugs). But even just a lone eight legger scouting the sidewalk is enough to stand my invisible fur on end like a Doberman spotting a robber. It’s also enough for.. Read More
Let’s all take a moment and be grateful these gremlins are extinct
Aww. Traffic sucks? Coffee line too long? Pay freeze this year? That sucks for you – but not nearly as much as being swallowed whole by a giant serpent that looks like it crawled outta a flick collaboratively created by King and Spielberg . Times like this – when life feels shitty – it’s good to be grateful. And what better way than to pause and reflect on what we.. Read More
Cuteness cruelty
Why is it that when we’re consumed with animal adoration, we say, “I WANNA EAT IT!”…? Actually, I’ve never said this, but I get it. My personal reaction is to emit a high pitched squeal as the muscles of my body enter a collective spasm not unlike the final stages of tetanus infection. Although it’s been a million years since I read Mice and Men, I was recently reminded of.. Read More
Cicada vs. Katydid: What’s the diff?
Ah, the sweet smells, sunshine, and sounds of imminent summer. Except – you know – without the warm enough weather to actually open the pools on Memorial Day weekend. (insert disclaimer here about full realization regarding the importance of the pools or their openings to the public paling in comparison to the real importance of memorial day) Anyway, back to the sounds of summer. As the hooplah about noisy bug.. Read More