What’s your dream life you’re not living right now? Is it like mine? Living in luxury with a view of the ocean? That life is typically merely met only in either our daydreams or on nightly delta waves. But not for one woman. She’s living that life – not on delta pillow waves or Delta plane waves but on boat ridden waves of the actual ocean – compliments of Crystal.. Read More
Dad and daughter marry. Inc’est la vie.
Sir (yes, I call him sir now) Neil DeGrasse Tyson suggested we all learn something new every day. Following his guidance, I’ve already learned the one thing that’ll probably stand out the most at today’s end, as well as haunt my eyelid movies into a horror show later when I try to fall asleep. And it’s not even noon yet. Neil also told me to share what I learn with.. Read More
Things I only watch to enjoy the parody better (Bieber edition)
If you’re like me – not a Bieber fan or a wiener owner – you may not have seen the recent Calvin Klein ads. No, we don’t live under a rock. We just didn’t have a reason to see it. Now… we do. Because SNL has kindly taken the time to delight us all with this black and white parody rendition of what we’ve been missing. It’s funny how you.. Read More
5 things everyone (not just chicks) can learn.
I found this fun “ways women are disconnected from themselves” article today. This “line em up and knock ‘em down” list of what we’re doing wrong and how to sort it out bothered me for two reasons. First was because these gender-wallow articles always make me feel like I’m part of some melancholic coven. Like if Daria, Janine Garafalo, and the daughter from Roseanne had all started a sorority under.. Read More
Could victim and voyeur landlord both get in trouble here?
Ever heard that phrase “watch the clock” before? It’s helpful, isn’t it? To keep self-tabs on what you’re doing and for how long. But what about when the clock’s watching you? What about when the clock (and the person who implanted a hidden camera into it to fap to you and your girlfriend later) are keeping tabs on you? A recent news story grabbed my interest today with that premise.. Read More
Ruined via review: The country music mashup revisited.
Any time I find anything I enjoy, I have to ruin it for myself. Some call this a “self sabotage” tendency.That might be right. But I prefer to see it as the radioactively glowing trophy you’re awarded for making your career a creative one. Part of having to do anything creative is being willing to pick shit apart. The unfortunate side effect is that – when you do this for.. Read More
Road rage level: from Louis to screw-loose.
Louis C.K.’s “Oh My God” performance probably belongs on my top favorite standup tours. But, for some reason, this bit is the one that’s stuck out the most: The irony is that when I’m not destined to sit in traffic or rocketing across a highway homicidally (I’m not a good driver when I need to be somewhere – I’m nervous, never leave on time, always speed, and have unyielding road.. Read More
Lessons we can learn from the Marlboro Man’s death.
Wait. O.G. Marlboro man only just now died? Just…now? He was like, 85. I’d say that span of living is nice ‘n long for compromised lungs that had a daily cascade of chemical toxins assaulting them. The cowboy rancher got hired to be the face of filtered cigarettes back in the day because – let’s face it – filters are for pussies. Thus, they needed a Sam Elliot sort to.. Read More
What happens when 9 year old bubblegum thieves miss court?
A warrant for your arrest? When you’re nine? It sounds pretty bad ass. And it probably would be if the kid in question had knocked over a liquor store or kidnapped your mom, got her addicted to heroin, and made her work in his brothel in the hidden dungeon under La Lavandaria downtown. But just like the clothes in that hypothetical laundromat, this Idaho kid’s story’s too clean to be.. Read More
A brief explanache on where you can shove your updates up and into.
So, a couple months ago, I reluctantly updated my iphone. I hadn’t done it for a while, so it went from version 1-point-have-you-heard-of-this-new-thing-called-the-wheel to the latest: iOS-can-I-have-the-old-one-back-immediately-please. I was momentarily relieved (as I indicated in a blog entry) because the rewards were many. And money. Literally – ‘cause I’d only done it so I could use a new and improved app that’d replace the abomination called Paypal. This was a.. Read More