As I lay face down in dirt and injured on that beautiful day in 2008, I thought: “I… do … not.. *cough*… get paid enough for this.” Meanwhile, the monstrous dog (Arden was his name) that’d just pulled me down danced clumsily around me, celebrating his victory. I was working at a vet back then. And the thing is, falls and scrapes and bruises came with the territory. I knew.. Read More
Some prefer facts. Some preFergu(es)son.
When it comes to Ferguson, you can’t deny the facts. And one thing which will always remain a fact about Ferguson: …is that it was the name of Clarissa’s little brother. Bad joke. Epic gif. Because that’s exactly what I wanna do to the hashtag for this case by now. I didn’t watch the court case on this thing because I didn’t feel like sharing a genuine “whodabadguy” opinion on.. Read More
6 Things to do in Buffalo when you’re snowbound
Jesus, Mary, and Snowseph, winter’s here in a big way, already! I’m not in New York or anything, but as we share the same coast and aren’t that far apart, I had to admit these snappies of the flakey downpour in Buffalo certainly had me checking my calendar to make sure it’s still only November. Do we usually start the ice works this early? Or at least, this much? Now.. Read More
Pity the fool.
You know, I’ve long liked this quote that I initially heard in Amelie: But recently, for some reason, I realized it’s only half true – like it’s missing something. You’re a fool for looking at the finger which points at the sky – if the sky is on fire, raining knives, or blanketed with an Independence Day sized saucer of creatures who mean to eat us up and shit us.. Read More
SICK of you taking my mothaloving SPACE on this mothaloving TRAIN
I enjoy moving around. Stretching, yoga, gesticulating unnecessarily while talking. You know where I enjoy doing it? Where it’s acceptable and doesn’t infringe on folk. Usually. You read the room and process the acceptability level. Usually excluded from this list are crowded planes, trains, or automobiles. The reason for this is because when you’re splaying your limbs every which way around close-quarter strangers as you’re all being herded from point.. Read More
Are “smaller schools” the cure for the common clique?
High school tyrants. From “Heathers” to “Clueless” to “Mean Girls”, we’ve seen that “snotty clique” theme repeat. And we love these Hollywood narratives for their half-truths and hyperbolic representations. Because suffering and teen angst – much like the prospect of death – is always so much easier to bear when we make a parody of it for our own entertainment. LiLo’s flick, for instance, came out in 2004 – when.. Read More
Homeless: Stop and help? Or stop helping?
Okay, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen this kind of story on the news: But something bothered me on a couple different levels as I was watching the piece. While I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first, I think a lot of it has to do with the way the story’s being shared on the media. First, I suppose something about innocent-till-proven-guilty makes sharing their personal.. Read More
#poopingselfie: Not even once.
Shh, shh. It’s okay, internet. Don’t feel badly. This is what I’m here for. To remind you about proper cell phone etiquette – from public life to pinching a loaf. So, let’s review the latter today: Things that are acceptable to do with your phone on the toilet: – Check email with your horned rimmed glasses on. – Post a status to facebook about those super-cerebral ideas you get mid.. Read More
Fat Test Dummies Aren’t the Answer. However hilarious they are.
Remember when everyone demanded fat mannequins? Well – now they’re doing the same thing with functional mannequins. As in, the ones you put into a car before rocket launching that car into a brick wall. (I think they’re also known as “crash test dummies”. ) The thing about this story is that it’s so distracting in its amusement that I can’t effectively assess my feelings. So lets start by just.. Read More
Sardonic meta-squatting
Ah, a squatter squatting on a squatter. Should be good! I admit, with his comedic antics and Casey Casem lite voice, the initial impact of the spectacle got a few laughs out of me before it just faceplanted in a syrupy pool of its own sarcasm. And, naturally, whoever’s home it is should get it back. But, I feel like something’s missing from this story. Something behind the bathrobe and.. Read More