I don’t mean to be judgey but… Can we talk about birding? Or birders? Or whatever these people are called? I remember seeing that Jack Black and Owen Wilson movie about this a couple years ago and thinking mayhaps it was a hobby for the friendless or weirdoes or mid-life crisisers. You’d think this would make me an excellent candidate what with my woodsy-loving proclivities and lonerism – but the.. Read More
Peace and pissing contests: Hannity vs. Brand
I’m kinda Cher Horowitz when it comes to debating issues of war. Not that educated, but the good intentions are there. So that’s why it’s nice when someone who has both a wealth of background on the matter AND a good heart steps in to simplify it for people like me – and serve Hannity’s ass back to him. Before you start bucket-izing me into anti-donkey or elephant, just know.. Read More
Legs on a plane!
Whether you’re Chuck Norris or a truculent horse, legs can make for great weapons. And this chick on a flight bound for Edinburg (that’s in England) this week, apparently would agree with me. The lady who had a faux limb also enjoyed one too many spirits while airborne and thusly entered an altered state of consciousness in which assaulting her fellow plane mates and friendly sky stewards suddenly seemed like.. Read More
“We tortured some folks” -POTUS
You’ve gotta love Obama. Man after my own heart, really. And nothing could reinforce this fact more than his recent commentary in which he enacted one of my most fond go-to weapons when I wanna apologize but not really: the timeless tool of descriptive rohypnol for the purposes of spiking a half assed concession or mea culpa into a nice warm cup of WTF with a teaspoon of “it ain’t.. Read More
Baby baker photographic fails
When I lived in New Orleans, I noticed they’d hold a little shindig called Mardi Gras. You might have heard of it. But between the boobs and beads and shock and awe and puke and drunks chained to bicycle racks while cops on horses waited to come back and take them to jail… you wanna know what floored me most of all? The day I ate a piece of cake….. Read More
The party doesn’t start till I get home
So you want me to come to a party? For those of you who move past the stock excuses and decide to go out long enough to take snappies to convince yourself later you had an awesome time, there’s at least one excuse you have to come up with eventually: how to leave without anyone getting annoyed or butthurt. Ya know, I forget all that proper social etiquette because I.. Read More
Spidey’s vexed episode seems less Marvel-ous and more Rage
Once when I was a waitress, a table left me a fifteen cent tip. It seemed like a horribly sarcastic thing to do, but I would have never thought to punch anyone in the face over it. Plus I was a really shitty server and accidentally forgot them for half the night (oops). But, apparently, punching people in the face over bad tips is exactly what other people in similar.. Read More
Sell-out hippies won’t let me in their festival of awesomery.
Anyone here ever been to a hippie festival? This video popped up on my Youtube sidebar recently with the title “Boom Festival”. I watched it (the thumbnail image of people having fun while half naked is always excellent clickbait) as I downed a bit of delicious homemade soup, and marveled at how awesome it seemed. People hop on their bikes and come from all over for this event of camping.. Read More
I majored in underwater backstroke weaving
What the flipper? There’s a “mermaid academy” in the Philippines? Drop everything and pack your bags. I can’t believe I’ve been wasting my whole summer learning to enjoy what I’ve been given in this life when I could have been transferring over money I don’t have and going into debt so that I could fly to this resort where I can finally live out my dream of becoming Ariel. At.. Read More
Drone wedding photos (try not to get seasick)
I thought I needed my contacts updated… …but clearly it’s just this horrible new wedding photo trend. Ya know, I get the 360 degree or panorama pictures. Those are fun because they make you feel like you’re wherever the douchebag trying to make you jealous is. They teleport that same post-cardy sentiment of “wish you were here” and fully capture how it felt to be overlooking Mount Whatever-akalau in Hawaii.. Read More