Is U.K. tap water full of cocaine?
Or are they just “taking the piss”? (that’s a Brit term that I may or may not be using correctly…)
Well, both. Kind of. In part of a long list of unexpected locales in which booger sugar has shown up, Britain’s drinking water is certainly up there. “How’d it get there?” you ask? Apparently, they do so much of it that the yeyo’s escaping in European urine.
To be fair… what else are you going to do for fun in such a dismal ass country?
Ride a wheel that was kept there as an afterthought? London’s eye, dilated eyes, or a bit o’ both? (eh…gonna discourage that one – if you’re gonna get high while that high up, I’d suggest something less activating.)
But English powder proclivities must be genetic, ’cause their cousin (us aka U.S.) has it too. We Americans love to seek happiness outside of ourselves – whether it’s through drugs, eating, or money.
Or by… rolling up money to eat drugs with our breathing holes?
Indeed, apparently, 90% of the bills tested from 18 American cities showed snuff traces. A guess? Two of the cities were L.A. and Miami and the others were super boring places with lots of strip clubs. And while the statistics of arrests might show evidence suggesting otherwise, I don’t think legal graphs are entirely representative.
’cause donuts aren’t the only think cops like powdered.
Careful now, Mr. Bad Lieutenant, sir. Ya missed a lil.
In fact, Americans love it so much that before 1903 “liquid cocaine” could be bought at the soda shop.
Or…whatever they had back then. ’cause up until that year, Coca Cola lived up to its name via the special ingredient. 9mg of sugar water plus caffeine? Ah… so that’s what Grandma meant by “walking to school in 15 feet of snow”.
Ya geriatric fiend.
(Who said fizzy drinks and fitness were mutually exclusive? New campaign: “Take those jitters to the gym!”)
Fast forward about a century from your ancestor addicts, and we’re at 2010:
A great year for anxious exploring – from under the sea to outer space.
While it was never discovered which Discovery shuttle member owned the mysterious bag of cosmological cocaine they found, I’m going to make a guess…
Meanwhile, back on earth, the FDA got a hold of homemade submarine that year with $180 million dollars worth of white. Why a homemade submarine, you ask? Well, much like a dealer’s clients – they’re disposable. You smuggle in your product, sink the vessel, and shake the proverbial dust off your feet like Jesus teaches us to do (a man who also enjoyed mixing water and chemicals, I’m told)
Speaking of dusty feet, I wonder what that crew’s like coming from Colombia…
“Let’s punch holes in the bottom and use our legs!”
