Dan Stevens as “The Beast”? Yes, please.

Duh, why didn’t I think of this…? So, not terribly long ago, I wondered which actor could possibly do the Beast justice in the upcoming Disney live-action fairy tale remake. My last blog on this expressed my usual eyeroll-smirk reaction to these sortsa live-action things (being forced to see Phantom of the Opera felt like all my senses had taken a holiday at Guantanamo). But, it being among my favorite.. Read More

New Beauty and the Beast will cast… Emma Watson .___.

It always makes me nervous when they reinvent a classic. Especially a Disney flick. And especially since they’re casting Emma Watson to play Belle. I’ve nothing against the girl, but I just don’t trust her to do my favorite library whoring heroine justice. Then again, I’m not sure I’d trust anyone to do Belle justice. Or Ariel. Or Jasmine. But if I had to choose, I’d want someone who doesn’t.. Read More

Root for the villain! (Gaston impersonator.)

You thought I forgot about you, my fellow badboy fanatics. Didn’t you? Well, I didn’t. Because today, we’re celebrating: Gaston. I guess I’ve been a bit off ever since birth (or at least soon after) because I remember watching Beauty and the Beast when it first came out – and when I saw Gaston, I ignored how into himself he was and thought Belle was a dumbass and a half.. Read More

I want to play a game… (sci-pothetical convos)

“I need an opinion regarding a hypothetical I’m having trouble working out in my brain.” (This is how most of my text message games – and arguably most of my texts in general – go. I toss out a fishing line to a few of my smart friends, see who finds it interesting enough to bite, and then we proceed to ping pong ideas for the pure sake of my.. Read More

Dark Disney Part Two…

(Dark Disney Part 1) Today, class, we continue our original fairy tale analyses… SNOW WHY? As in “why” didn’t evolution weed out this bitch from the population? People with an IQ of potato shouldn’t get saved as many times as Snow White did. In Grimm’s OG version, the Queen specifically requests for White’s liver and lungs (I suppose if writers sub in a heart, it’s easier for kids to conjure.. Read More

Dark Disney: The original stories

I always knew Disney snuck sex stuff in movies, Tyler Durden style. But I never quite realized just how dark the original tales were. Most of the timeless classics I watched on heavy rotation as a tot were wrought out of medieval fantasy folklore. Sure they taught me that to have a happy ending you need magic, a prince, and to change everything about yourself. But, then again, so did.. Read More

Princess Inimical

“I always thought Barbie was a slut” – my mom. “I didn’t! I totally loved Barbie!” -me The truth is, I’m lying. I knew something was up with Barbie’s overt sexuality – that no women I’d seen or met looked like her – but I didn’t know what a slut was. I wrote a thing a year or two ago about how Ariel and Pretty Woman were released dangerously close.. Read More