“Oh good, you’re just in time,” the crazed thirty year old in a turban said as she answered the door for her mother. To my credit, I’d had a long day and it wasn’t a turban – but a giant towel ‘do completing my freshly washed coif look on evenings such as these. And on this particular evening, I’d almost forgotten to complete my #30daysofnewthings task. So, naturally, I was.. Read More
*Here’s* your acceptable adipositivity
Actually, it’s more like post-adipose derma-positivity. Specifically, I mean those heaps of skin you have left after losing a shiz ton of blobby insulation tissue from your body. Ya know? Like this chick? (The one who got rejected entry from that weight loss mag for not sheathing her excess flesh? The bastards?) Now that’s worthy of a well done, round-of-applause, and a cookie (actually – maybe not on that last.. Read More
Ashley’s Asanas: 4 renamed yoga poses
Ya know, of the yoga docs I’ve seen, all the old Indian men say the same thing about Westernized yoga. Between the commercialization, the teachers traipsing in late – green drink in hand, and the mantras uttered in perfunctory fashion with nada background knowledge on what it actually means, we’ve lost the meaning of yoga. Lost it in transatlantic translation. The literal def, the big time spiritual OG’s will tell.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: breathe and strike a pose
If I regret anything about tattoos, it’s that I didn’t get another one. Don’t worry – I’m only half serious. But had I gotten another, it’d have definitely been a watch on my wrist that says “JUST BREATHE, BITCH.” As a chronic spastic, I have so much trouble remembering the first rule of life club: breathe. Suck in air. Push it out. It’s so simple, yet I find myself suffering.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: inadvertent novelty ‘n signs
“Ashley,” I replied to the gentleman beside me, asking my name. I think he thought I was lying. We had both come to the same park and were having a chat through the windows of our cars. Although he’d invited me out to go feed some birds two feet away at the water, I was about to go on a run. So I told him I might swing by when.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: exotic fruits, pants, and poses
As I’ve been bringing yoga into my #30daysofnewthings challenge, there’s something I’ve been avoiding: Anything where I’m relying on the upper body strength I don’t have to keep me from a supercharged faceplant fueled by the added weight of my graceless legs and man-like torso. “Day Four – I’ve never been permanently paralyzed before!” #newthings (Dear glob, please don’t let that be the price for my wanderlust and sense of.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: New trail and metayoga
“How far’d you go? A couple miles?” The fisherman I’d just waved to asked me this from a distance as I was finishing up my run. He and his buddy had been standing at the side of the dock since before I parked my car, stretched, and set out on a new trail. It was set to be day three of my #30daysofnewthings challenge. A new trail may sound kinda.. Read More
Snack yourself tan: how I went chameleon with caratenoids.
If you haven’t noticed by now, I like going Dexter’s Laboratory on my own person. And since drugs aren’t part’a that equation, I instead do things like ab challenges, my #30daysofnewthings challenge, and… now… the caratenoid diet. I actually started this back toward the end of January… and I figure now’s as good a time as any to record some conclusions. So here it goes: the chameleon caratenoid diet: BACKGROUND:.. Read More
Wanna live to 200 like this guy? All you have to do is nothing!
Well I knew that meditation could make ya live longer. But 200 years? That’s what the Buddhists are claiming of this mummified monk found a couple months ago. He was stashed away in the home of some dude planning to sell him on the black market. And while I’m not sure exactly what you’d do with an overpriced Bodhisattva who’s passed on, my guess is (if that’s your religion and.. Read More
P.C. postural pain – and the wizard ways to eradicate it
A little less than a year ago, I was standing in Dick’s Sporting Goods trying to decide if $40 was “worth it”. Worth not suffering the kinda posture that turns me into a shuffling 30-year-old geriatric, that is. And that’s what the standard foam roller would cost me to DIY style work out the kinks I’d caused myself with rotten posture. “Why bother?” I wondered, reasoning that “well if I.. Read More