Miss Ashley Pants

Dear Todd, as I’m sure you know, it’s almost my birthday and I just wanted to remind you that when that day arrives, you’ll still have roughly a week to obtain a court order for a withdrawal from the race for senate. Great news, right?! Don’t wait too long to make it official, sweetie. If you’re all lost, I’m referencing this gem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fdisTOKom5I When I first heard this, I thought.. Read More

Heard of Diane Nyad? Well, I hadn’t, until recently. Through multiple jellyfish stings, she’s stopped only briefly for peanut butter and water, all the while replaying to herself to a “mental” playlist (I sometimes to do the same thing during my boring low impact cardio with real music) to get her through the 103 mile swim to which she has committed. The cherry topper? This amazing woman is turning 63.. Read More

After years of passive aggressive remarks from catty ass betches, like “Oh… are you sick?” or “Did you get enough sleep last night?”, I wondered: Why don’t you just say what you mean, slut? For insstance: “Oh Em Gee, just LOOK at those under-eye dark circles, you tacky looking ho! I mean, I don’t really care if you’re sick or not; I just want to draw attention to how awful.. Read More

Not that teachers are failures, but if my spine ever fails to heal and I never get a chance to do what I really want, maybe I’ll become a Biology teacher JUST so that I can rock these amazing pants for instructional purposes on the anatomy/muscle section of the class: Although she looks a little like the scene from HellRaiser where the chick comes in without her skin on, and.. Read More

It’s a sick day for me, so I thought I’d catch up on a little writing and share a recipe with you. Of recent, my friend encouraged me to try out a more “plant based” diet. Thus, I bought a juicer, a bunch of produce, and things like maca powder, bee pollen, coconut oil, and have since been experimenting with mixing up my newfound dietary ingredients before coming up with.. Read More

The world of conspiracy theorists firmly believes either that the world is going to end soon, that the illuminati is going to take over, that we are all going to become enslaved, or all of the above. What kills me, is that with the advent of this new generation’s technology, everything is spelled out for you, and not always correctly. “Look it up” no longer means “Go to the library.. Read More

Ah, the ubiquitous “duckface”. Despite the numerous inquiries about this trend from men, and the copious amounts of girls who profess to never have fallen victim to attempting it – if for no reason other than as a self parody – it is alive and well and not going anywhere. Why? Regardless of its overuse in girl culture, it is undeniably the easiest way for chubby women to accomplish the.. Read More

Being the idiot that I am, I sent a mass email warning everyone about today’s imminent “meltdown” that may be going on, and then forgot to do a check myself. From the first news site I saw pop up, here’s the short a copy and paste of what’s up, if you don’t already know… but if you don’t have time (and you probably don’t, just go to http://www.dns-ok.us/ to see.. Read More

How rude of me! All this time, and I haven’t bothered to introduce myself. If you’re a reader who doesn’t know me through Facebook, this is me: The items I’m rocking comprise just a few fashions in my “Ashley Approved” array of summer success styles. If you know me, you might have seen this Instagram pic I posted a bit ago: However, moving on to the flipside of fashion: I’m.. Read More

“And in that one flash, they’ll do whatever you say; They’re like a child.” What eccentric drug dealer, Demencia Black is speaking is no work of fantasy fiction or a description from some True Blood episode. He’s talking about a real drug which exists among the criminal element, especially in Colombia. While it can easily be snuck into drinks, it also can be blown into your face via aerosole or.. Read More