Headline for an article I reluctantly read today: “Family Guy stolen teddy bear suit”. I feel the need to preface this with the fact that I only read this because I was half awake and thought it was going to be about Seth MacFarlane stealing the actual teddy bear suit from “Ted”, and doing musical numbers in it around town like a man in an ill-fitting animatronic costume en route.. Read More
Getting intimate on film: The 60’s did it better
What is it that’s so much fun about strangers getting intimate on film? Several months ago, I covered Vice’s footage of strangers off the street, smooching on camera. The awkwardness and apparent authenticity made it captivating in that curl-your-toes-and-feel-mortified-for-them kinda way. So when this Masters of Sex thing popped up on my feed, I couldn’t help but watch. For research. Obviously. It’s interesting because I’m human, but I’m also a.. Read More
So… Netflix wants to pay us to watch Netflix?
Wanna get paid to watch T.V. from home? Eh, I dunno. I have a tough enough time doing actual computer work from home. Once I get lost in work I have to do online, trying to “unplug” my brain from alter-reality can feel almost as painful as Neo going between the Matrix and that electrode dental chair thingy he’s strapped into. This machine is a weapon of mass distraction when.. Read More
Screen villains and one-take superhero movies
Oh man! This new spiderman movie definitely outdoes even the ones starring Franco. Although that’s a blatant lie (Franco is the Midas of any film), this one take “Superhero” movie series comes in close second. Aside from Ironman, I could never really get into most of these Marvel comic style films later in life. Robert Downey Jr. is easy to watch because he’s sexy and sarcastic – a delicious mix… Read More
Dark Disney Part Two…
(Dark Disney Part 1) Today, class, we continue our original fairy tale analyses… SNOW WHY? As in “why” didn’t evolution weed out this bitch from the population? People with an IQ of potato shouldn’t get saved as many times as Snow White did. In Grimm’s OG version, the Queen specifically requests for White’s liver and lungs (I suppose if writers sub in a heart, it’s easier for kids to conjure.. Read More
Dark Disney: The original stories
I always knew Disney snuck sex stuff in movies, Tyler Durden style. But I never quite realized just how dark the original tales were. Most of the timeless classics I watched on heavy rotation as a tot were wrought out of medieval fantasy folklore. Sure they taught me that to have a happy ending you need magic, a prince, and to change everything about yourself. But, then again, so did.. Read More
127 hours for the 127millionth time
I remember the first time I saw 127 hours. And the second. And the fourteenth. It’s dumbfounding how a movie like this can be so captivatingly entertaining when it is centered on a single dude, stuck in a canyon. I mean, the only interaction the protagonist has the whole time with other human beings is when they’re doing the whole character development thing and showing what an ego driven badass.. Read More
Quiz: Would YOU die in a desert?
Results are in. I’d only ten percent get dead in the desert. Let’s see if you are any better ‘n me: The answer is B. Or 2. Shelter from the elements. It’s just as cold at night as it is boiling by day in the desert, so protection from the sizzling sun and hypothermic chill alike are of utmost importance. As you can see from the still, Franco is super.. Read More
The queen stays in the picture!
Despite my dislike of celebrity deification, I grew up like lots of li’l girls – counting on landing looks like Gwen Stefani, or the ever-classic icon she emulated, Marilyn Monroe. And then being obviously disappointed like 80% of the population who might’ve been happier had they just seen her more relateable off-camera snappies like this one: (Maybe it’s ’cause she’s having a barbiturate barbeque by the pool, but homegirl looks.. Read More
Princess Inimical
“I always thought Barbie was a slut” – my mom. “I didn’t! I totally loved Barbie!” -me The truth is, I’m lying. I knew something was up with Barbie’s overt sexuality – that no women I’d seen or met looked like her – but I didn’t know what a slut was. I wrote a thing a year or two ago about how Ariel and Pretty Woman were released dangerously close.. Read More