Amy’s is starting a fast food chain?


Actually, to be fair, heart stopping is more McDonald’s and Burger King’s thing, what with those artery clogging collations they offer ‘n all. Amy’s, on the other hand, will imminently be offering (and if you’ve had their soups and other packaged dinners you already know this) an all veggie based menu… And, yes, it’ll be done fast food style. While I typically don’t do the packaged crap anymore, this is one of those things where I’m probably gonna be making an exception. I mean, for the past couple of years, my diets become increasingly comprised of plant based eats and fewer processed things. However, I’ll admit, when I’ve had a long ass day, get home hangry, and crave some quick comfort noms, the likes of Amy’s soups or McDougall’s noodles never fail to satiate my feeling-eating needs (that I don’t hafta commit shame induced seppuku over within fifteen minutes of consumption). Having it readily made for me? Not even waiting for water to boil or radiation boxes to Wolfgang Puck my food up for me? Ah, yes. This is long overdue.

Plus, I’m a human person.

And that means I’m a slave to my brain and stuff like its enjoyment-associations which it refuses to relinquish from my childhood – for instance those trips to the drive through in my youth. (Even if the happy meals and soft serve were only ever hush rewards my mom would issue to make up for dragging us around antique shopping in hopes it’d cancel out the child abuse that is wandering around dusty furniture clustered establishments when you’re ten #itkindadid). But just because I changed my diet for the better and love the results more than I love the fleeting, pleasing high of shitty gastronomical stuffers, doesn’t make that nom nostalgia disappear. Hell, I even get excited when I smell steak. Logically, I know it’s a carcass and I don’t wanna personally partake. But emotionally, the vestigial emotions remain. With some stuff like that, I can just revel in the feeling of the good memories about cookouts or whatever without letting desire to indulge get in the way. But sometimes it helps to have an occasional retro-trip into kidhood as you navigate your new lifestyle. Just like Bear Grypls getting lost in the wilderness and making dirty sock tea to feel a sense of familiarity. Amy’s, the new opposite-of-whoppers-and-Ronald will offer me all the fond reminders of my formative years and fast food runs with nunna the guilt. Bonus? All the stuff they’re using is non-GMO and their roof is going to be alive.

Yes, energy harnessing plants atop of all this deliciousness. What’s not to like about cruelty free, enviro friendly food that’s not bathed in Monstanto cologne? I’m almost as excited about this as I am about Starbucks delivering. I also wonder if it’ll offer any competish against the other places that offer quick corpulence.

And speaking of the devil – meanwhile, over at Asian Burger King…

Smut burgers:

Guess the Boobstagram ads weren’t enough if they’re having to dye their death meals to match a pornhub film still.

Much like McD’s sexy burger thief revamp. Embarrassing, really.

Let’s hope Amy’s chain is so successful it does the same thing to them that they’re doing to the people they “feed”.