It’s getting harder to binge-isode my formerly favorite shows.
I get bored and nervous. Then I start thinking of everything else I need to do. Then comes the stress eating. Then I start stabbing the mormons who come to my door because they have that look in their eyes that says “I’m not really alive”. So, generally, I avoid more than an episode or two at a time. That said… my heart will always hold a place for Ranger Rick and his post apocalyptic posse.
Plus, the way I see it, it’s good research for when the real thing happens, naw mean? So, I did my part in prepping for a life of survival by finishing off the recent season (late, yes, I know)… and I was left with more questions than just the “what happens neeext, derp?”
I didn’t take notes, so I’m sure there are a few “this vexes me” moments that I missed this season. And then there are some from last year that still haven’t been resolved – the biggest being the pathology. Did I miss some part during the informal CDC lecture about how this is strictly transmitted by nomming? Is this a mouth bacteria? Why haven’t at least a few people died from getting it in their eyes during bloodbaths? Even Sookie Stackhouse knew to wash her face in dirty swampwater to avoid vampire aids.
Then – I also just realized this season that I’m seeing far too many corpsies laying around when they go on runs, and not enough head wounds. Isn’t zombie law that you wake up a biter after you bite the dust? And that you have to brain bash all deadsies to prevent this? What’s going on here?
The rules are all so confusing…
Another one is an outside-the-box thing my friend brought up: why don’t they just use Michonne’s tried and true trick all the time whenever they leave safety? Ya know, the one where she hacks the mandibles and arms off a few of the cannibal corpses, leashes ’em up, and they instantly become repellent to the rest? There’s no excuse not to do this. They’ve got the tools and they’ve got zero distractions like phones or laptops. Thinking’s all they’ve got time to do in this world. This should’ve been a thing by now. Duh.
Then… there’s the infamous scene with Carl and the pedo-biker.
This scene bothered me. And not because of the subject matter, either. (I mean, to be fair, I thought they’d replaced Carl with Moira from The L Word this season – so maybe he was confused.)
(Am I right or am I right?)
Even though my jaw was more unhinged than one of Michonne’s putrefied pets after seeing the scene, I feel like we got trolled a bit. I genuinely thought poor Carl’d gotten a peter in the pooper. When I saw his expression, I said, “Ah… I’ve made that face before!”. Classic post sodomy shock face. And then when Rick returned the favor via raping his knife into the pervo’s gullet in a nice, warranted, drawn out scene (revenge scenes are always too tepid), that eradicated any doubt I had about “did that really just happen?”
It took a friend telling me and a google search to confirm I was wrong.
Carl did not get raped.
Still, they were pretty vague.
As for the cliffhanger ending, I purposely didn’t watch the trailer till I was ready to write this – but everything’s set up nicely for next season. I imagine the labrat with a mullet who can’t shoot bullets is going to be their ticket out of there before they end up like those bones in the courtyard. That is what they’re doing at this new place, no? Luring in Hansel and Gretel survivors? And the witch’s welcome wagon includes a feast of the recently deceased? So, they’ll tell the ringleader they have the potential cure, and boom. Saved again.
Let’s see if I’m right:
Mmyeah. Not too far off. I can’t tell if I’m wrong about the living-eating-the-living bit, but I was hoping to see it at some point because it’s a logical line-crosser when you’re starving (also, they do it in the film The Road – very good, highly recommend it). The trailer looks like they’re doing some Halal-like religious ritual, though, which kinda gives it some depth too. And Garreth’s gonna need that extra dimension because he’s already seeming like a character I’m going to have trouble watching every week without getting eyeroll-induced migraine. Although this is all just make believe and I shouldn’t be bothered – that’s exactly why I am. If this is meant to be an escape into fantasty drama, can we nix the villains who are whiney douche nozzles? I encounter enough of those back in IRL that I’d almost rather have the governor return. Dark and broody murderers trump the hipster sort every time.
Okay, now that I’ve lost myself in Dead and am foraging for food and kitchen knives, we’ll finish with a thought: a whole lotta bloodshed and attempted ass asault could’ve been avoided in that one scene if Daryl had just thought to come up, tap Rick, Michonne, and Carl on the heads, and yell:
“CLAIMED!”
’cause… rules is rules. Right?