No matter how anti-Hollywood-idol I may be, I’ll always adore Gwen. And she just keeps giving me reasons to keep loving her. For example, this: Did you notice – other than because of my spoiler title- that she’s nursing a baby (or that she’s even had a baby, for that matter with that ridiculous body)? Because I sure didn’t. This might just be my confirmation bias at work, but this.. Read More
This Indian kid’s got more teeth than Hindus at a mela
When my friend Rich posted an image of some dental anomaly that made my skin gain temporary involuntary wavelike motility a few months ago, I thought, “Pshhya…. that can’t be real.” (Yep. Still gives me insect flesh) Naturally, I put on my detective boots and initiated one of my many brave Google expeditions. A grueling one hundred seconds later, I was able to confirm that indeed – it was not.. Read More
Env-eye-ronmental balancing
I couldn’t wait to get glasses when I was a kid. It’s not because I knew I couldn’t see (I didn’t have any normal-control to which I could compare my Monet filtered life); it was just because I wanted to look like one of my favorite storybook characters. And nerdy Ivy I was – for a while at least. But it wouldn’t be until years later that I’d learn whether.. Read More
Cell-fish mindless dining.
I hate on my own phone a lot here on MissAshleyPants. Because it’s slowly trying to kill me. With a little help from my laptop, it’s ruined my eyes, deformed my posture, and many a day has turned to night unbeknownst to me during my hours spent on these contraptions. Also, I hate running with my phone – it’s like carrying one dumbbell wherever you go. And you know who.. Read More
Schwinns of Anarchy
I’m getting a bike. You’re sweet, Jax. But I just mean a regular old run of the mill Huffy or Schwinn or whatever you kids call it nowadays. Especially when gas prices are this ridiculously unnecessarily. And the establishing of city-owned gas stations is hurting more than helping. Now, that might sound contradictory – because the city owned gas stations like the one in Kentucky actually lower gas prices slightly… Read More
Reviews on movies I lost neurons watching: “The Other Woman”
First, I’d like to say Kate Upton, Cameron Diaz, and Leslie Mann are all gorgeous. That said – my rating for “The Other Woman” (a film I reluctantly watched because I was brain dead, sick at the time, and it was free to stream online even though my computer probably contracted AIDS in the process), is a huge thumbs down. Or thumbs up – if I’m one of those ancient.. Read More
From condoms to condiments – what expires?
“That’s funny. This expired when I was ten years old.” I’d been shopping through my mom’s spice cabinet yesterday for herbs to add to my soup. That was when I encountered some containers that should’ve been tossed out around the same year I sucker punched Marquita for kissing my first boyfriend. One or two of the spices had gone funky – as a quick whiff confirmed. And for whatever reason,.. Read More
Are cell phone bans useless?
Cell phone bans make for shitty accident prevention. Thoughtless drivers always find new ways to be thoughtless; so distracted driving wasn’t an innovation brought about by the horror show that is texting while driving (though I do wonder how many “one phone one wheel” half-finished vlogs have made their way to bestgore.com). Sure, mobiles may have served as a good extra attention stealer, but we can’t blame all our traffic.. Read More
Rich people craigslist: “Posh” is actually kinda tacky…
So… there’s a Craigslist for the rich folk. And I’m not entirely sure what’s more fun about this little corner of the interwebz…. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s called “Posh” which is a subsite within a larger site called “The Bloomberg Terminal” (can I supersize my order of pretentious assholery? Yes? Fantastic.) Or it could be that things like porsches and boats and airplanes and medieval castles are sold.. Read More
I wanna be judged by you, boop boop be doop!
Oh, good. I’d been looking for an excuse to write on this “how we judge our own appearances” study. I saw something about it a while ago and was just kind of lukewarm about my feelings on transforming it to a written piece. But (along with the truckstop hooker documentaries and letting James Franco write for them), I now have yet another thing to thank VICE for – spotlighting internet.. Read More