I don’t just mean “trailer” because it’s trashy. I mean there’ve been like 50 trailers already. Finally, I caved and watched the latest – with the parts of my eyes that weren’t rolling. I’ve gotta say, they really effed up a potentially good thing – and I feel like it’s mostly to do with the casting choices. With a book that’s sold so many copies, couldn’t they have afforded to.. Read More
Minions looks “meh” to me.
So, they’re making a “Minions” movie. And yes, it’s based on the “Despicable Me” legion of lemon colored villain servers who speak in phonemes and vocables and can still be understood by Gru nonetheless. But in this film, there is no Gru. Instead, we’re rewinding the species of affable henchmen thousands of years to join them on their journey of seeking out a villain to serve. It’s not the plot.. Read More
More cinematic shade-throwing on FrankenFrozen
Okay, I promise I’ll post a blog about some of the good parts of “Frozen”. Eventually. Not today. Because, for right now, I just can’t focus on Froze Pro’s until I get the rest of the unforgivable cons off my chest. Let’s – for a moment, if we can- forget about how godawful the storyline and misplaced characters were. Let’s not even analyze the bad songs and the missing pieces… Read More
Cinematic shade-throwing: Frozen.
Much like Princess Anna’s trek up the mountain, I knew I was in for a long haul. And I didn’t even have any men’s lives or sleds to destroy along my way with DDS (damsel in distress syndrome) In fact, it was a man putting me in the distress… of watching “Frozen”, finally. “If you don’t”, he threatened, “I’ll steal your firstborn and put her in a tower. And when.. Read More
Movies we need to make yesterday.
It’s clear I’ve missed my calling. Callings, actually. I’ve missed quite a few. There’re at least a hundred things I know I could do brilliantly – like the dude in the buckets that go up to fix electrical things in the sky. Or an antique shop cashier. Or that guy who stands at the DMZ in North Korea, saying “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!” to the guy.. Read More
RFTKV: Root for the kinda villain – Beatrice Kiddo
In Volume II of Kill Bill, Bill’s bro asks Elle: “Do you feel regret? Or relief?” There were a lot of great villains in that movie, but I think of all the villains, the obvious one – Beatrice – has to be my favorite because she harbors my two favorite other “R” qualities for not-quite-villains I like to root for: ruthlessness and revenge. I dig a character with a vendetta.. Read More
“Dear White People” (Am I allowed to have an opinion?)
“Dear White People” looks like one of those films that’ll make me confused and uncomfortable. Not because of hard truths (though they’ll likely touch on a few if it’s a racially driven quasi-comedy). But uncomfortable because, as a white person, a lot of the time you feel like you’re not allowed to have an opinion other than a smile and nod, lest you land yourself an O.W.I. (opining while white)… Read More
Does ScarJo’s hotness cancel out how bad “Lucy” sucked?
So I just watched “Lucy” last night. (*warning: spoilers and a half coming*) Honest opinion? It was literally an amalgamation of that one flick she already did (called “Her” opposite an awkward Joaquin Phoenix character, where she plays an evolving computer who ultimately also merges with Alan Watts and the holy Higgs field. I’m pretty sure she even says, “I’m everywhere…” at the end of that too) and another movie.. Read More
Text on film
“That’s so stupid – they’d be TEXTING in real life. Not talking.” It’s funny. I find myself saying this every time I can bring myself to give a new movie a try. But, then, when I recently saw “Disconnect” and then one half of “The Fault In Our Stars” (which I couldn’t finish because it was taking too long to move the subplot about the blind-kid along so I got.. Read More
Movies I don’t plan to see: WorldStarHipHop
Russell Simmons is super cool. What I like about celebs like him are how they bring an element of relatability to spirituality for us unspecial folk. He does yoga. He meditates. But unlike some of the stars I’ve witnessed go through a superficial metamorphosis, it’s not like he just fckks off his whole identity to move to an ashram or change career titles to “aghori sadhu”. He follows that old.. Read More