Am I the only person who thinks that “common core” isn’t the worst idea ever? I mean, at least the idea of it? Having more than one option on deck for solving random problems in life? I admit I only just saw this image or method for the first time today. There was no explanation provided, so it took me a few seconds to figure out how this method worked… Read More
How to win the marshmallow challenge… for parents.
Anyone ever heard of the “marshmallow test”? No, it’s not like the ice bucket challenge or the fire challenge (god help us, yes that’s a thing). Rather, it’s a decades-old study that tests the internal fortitude of your offspring by looking at their willpower to withhold indulging in a treat – as they hold out for getting a potential second treat – a reward for their patience. For instance, like,.. Read More
PTA parents fail at revenge crime against fellow member
I loved Cameron Diaz in “Bad Teacher”. But my favorite part wasn’t Justin’s dry-hump jean-jizz scene. Nor was it the sexy car wash (though it comes in a close second and I’ll be damned if her body doesn’t remind me I need to go workout ASAP everytime I see it). Nay, it was none of these – but the part that speaks to my heart is when she exacts revenge.. Read More
Triplet pandas prove anti-Darwin award exists
So some pandas were born. Three, actually – a whole triplet litter of Chinese pandas – born behind bars. Right when we think their kind’s dying, they beat the odds. ’cause the truth is, they pretty much are all dying. Or trying to. I don’t mean to be a downer. The only thing cooler than pandas would be if one of them could actually talk like Jack Black. Or eat.. Read More
OSU Band director fired for not being a snitch
So this OSU dude got fired because the shitty band brats he directed were hazing eachother. Apparently, these post high school nerds were inducting freshman to the group by ritualistically passing on the baton of grab-assery. And director Jon Waters got left with the shitty end of the drum stick. Why? Because the “simulated sex acts” and “members responding to demeaning nicknames of other members” and “groping” they did all.. Read More
The muggle is real: Harry Potter teaching tolerance
I always knew it – and it’s great that science has officially stepped in to confirm it: Harry Potter teaches tolerance. Eh. “Tolerance” is a shitty word. I take that back. Let’s use “decreases discrimination” – which is a great quality in an extended fairy tale. Indeed, the series shows kids that whether you were born magical or are a mere muggle, everyone deserves to play Quidditch if they’ve got.. Read More
Parents butthurt over a little peen
And today in butthurt parenting, we bring you: Toy penises No, not those. I mean, literal, actual plastic penises on the toy dolls kids play with. The ones where you change their diapers because they pissed themselves that are selling at Toys R Us. Indeed, a buncha moms took to Facebook with their imaginary soapboxes to voice their vexations about these lewd trinkets ending up in their homes. How dare.. Read More
I made that bish a princess. Bishes love being a princess.
When my niece was born, my brother was so enamored he’d literally do anything for her. Pony? Yes. Unicorn shitting a stream of rainbows? Why not. Devise detailed plan to shrink the moon and steal it from the heavens? Absolutely. Unfortunately, my father-of-the-year brother may have some stiff competition, though. And from a fellow Virginian, no less. Jeriamiah Heaton’s 7-year-old daughter Emily said she wanted to be a princess –.. Read More
Wait to propagate?
Science says: Wait till late to morph into a micro human factory, and you’ll live forever. Kind of. A recent study shows that even just waiting to have your last kid until later on could do the trick too. In a study of 551 different families, most of the women who lived to the super old age of 95 had their last child after the age Jesus died. Those who.. Read More
I hate dental work, but not as much as this kid…
Ever dread something so much that’d you’d fake your own abduction to avoid it? Work? Jury Duty? Your friends forcing you to see Frozen Part 2? (It’s only a matter of time.) Well, one little shit faked his own kidnapping to avoid… wait for it… the dentist. The twelve year old hates his dental check ups so much, that he ran away to a neighboring town. When he was found,.. Read More