Usually when I say, “NOPE. NOPENOPENOPENOPE” it’s not one for 100+ spiders sat on my wall. It’s just because I’m reiterating my sentiments regarding a single case of BnE an arachnid’s performing in my home. Just one spider. Thusly, a cascade is set off of childlike screams, full body sweats, and the sudden capacity to impeccably aim the flat side of a phone book throwing star style at a microscopic.. Read More
Mess with the bullhook in private; get the public’s tusk.
Finally, some good news for the poor imported fat asses of Barnum ‘n Bailey: Elephants will no longer be part of the circus. And, in a way, I think we have Hollywood to thank for it. View post on imgur.com If you’re like me, you may have seen “Water For Elephants” and thought, “Oh, well that was like twelve million years ago when people were depressed and poor and didn’t.. Read More
6,000 poison spiders in a home? Aaand… I’m moving to Mars.
Difficult as it may be, sometimes I just have to read a disturbing story like this. If for no other reason than to remember that something like my dog bringing in a few fleas and me having to call the bug exorcist – ain’t so big a deal. Not compared to a family who realized that within the walls of their home resided an entire arachnid army that began teaming.. Read More
Is earth’s most poisonous spider hiding in your bananas?
While perusing news brought to us by NeverEatOrSleepAgain today, I came across: …a woman who found exotic poison stowaway spider eggs in her groceries? Ugh. If I had to read this nightmare fuel today, I’m grateful that: A – It was early enough to inundate my consciousness with unicorns and rainbows before bedtime and B – That I already ate my effing morning banana breakfast. ‘cause apparently whoever is tasked.. Read More
Mothman prophecies on Floridian poison “puss caterpillar”
Do you live in Florida? Have you seen this guy? Authorities warn: do not engage this individual should you encounter him. Although the furry fish-like land sliding creature may educe from you coos of “Awww. I wanna pet”, science strongly suggest you refrain from acting on those feelings. Despite the seemingly inviting dog-like exterior on this particular caterpillar, one stroke of its coat would land you in the kind of.. Read More
Spider smiting: A working guide to working out outdoors
When it comes to jogging in the gym o’ mother nature, awareness is key. That’s if you want to come home in a better stat than – or at least the same as – when you left the house. If you’re not careful, roots can trip you, branches can stab you, and so on. And that’s why I love it. It forces me into awareness. If I’m having an otherwise.. Read More
Real life nightmares: egg baby spiders all over me
Author’s note: It took me a while to share this horror show ’cause I didn’t wanna believe it had actually happened. #neverforget Stretching after a nice nature-y run last week, I stopped and felt something. On my leg. Something crawling…. No, wait. Keep your popcorn up. It gets worse. I look down and see this pinpoint sized barely-visible reddish-brown dot skating across my sweaty dermis like Nancy effing Kerrigan. But.. Read More
Smart spiders can take my S.A.T. (Smoosh All’a Them)
I had the most terrifying “my god, you’re right!” truth bomb dropped onto me recently. It was this lil nugget o’ knowledge: (I kept this image small. For obvious reasons.) This inoperable tumor on the fear lobe of my brain that normally tells me, “Just squash it! Hit it with a book!” has been the bane of every non-sleep since my reading of it. What do I do? Murder this.. Read More
Bugs and bubonic plague are all up in China.
Ya know… back in my day… “Black Death” was a hyperbolic way of making excuses. Avoid a second date. Play hookey. Avoid a second date playing with a hooker (she should have said she was “in transition” the first time). All around, it was a nice way to say “I’m not really ill with anything – much less an ancient plague – but the idea of going out with you.. Read More
Do we get body language from Bonobos?
When we were kids, my sister and I had our own language. In retrospect, the sounds we made were probably a combo of us trying to mimic our Hawaiian uncle’s pigeon English and watching too many Native American late 80’s flicks. But we tried our hardest to get creative, issuing everything from commands to calming signals. It wasn’t till later that I’d learn lots of kids were doing that and.. Read More