Nope. Can’t do it. Okay, maybe I’ll try one more ti–… NOPE. I’m sorry! I’m sorry. I gave it my all. Really. I tried several months ago. And then I tried again last night. And then I tried again today when VICE posted this thing synchronistically about it, but I just can’t. I can’t… with ASMR. And this one might just be the worst I’ve heard yet. Go on, try.. Read More
May the force de-wet you…
What sorcery is THIS? I’ll let you guess via the following little quiz: 1. A high tech tool for sexy time. 2. A replica for Dubai’s next unnecessary giant revolving lounge bar at the top of a towering building that’s high enough to get an excellent view of the impoverished masses starving below as they build the next one. 3. A toy microphone collaboratively created by Fisher Price and Apple… Read More
Slabitat for humanity and the 3D apocalypese
What’s Italian, metallic, and has three arms? If you guessed “a transformer Ferrari in its transitional stages of sexy car to tower sized robot, like a transgender betwixt top and bottom surgeries”… you… might be right. And I totally applaud you for thinking outside the box. But just for today, we’re going to go ahead acknowledge someone else who thought outside the box – by making life-sized boxes for the.. Read More
I’m going Chris Crocker over these ‘murican remakes.
I’m going Chris Crocker over here with mah British stories. Although I love, love, love Steve Carrell, Rainn Wilson, and whoever else is in the American version of “The Office”, I have to jump on the British hipster bandwagon (is that ironic? That a “hipster bandwagon” is something that exists now?) and admit: the American version cannot touch the British version. “Leave Brit T.V. aloooone!!!1” I remember seeing the O.G… Read More
Quora queries: “How can I accept that I’ll never be a genius?”
I have to confess. I tried listening to an “Increase your I.Q.” guided hypnosis last night. And when I didn’t wake up any smarter, I had to ask myself: Is it because I’m hopeless? Or because my ipod died after I wasn’t intelligent enough to think about charging it before bed? Or maybe that I’m doing everything except what people who wanna be smarter hafta actively do? My answer came.. Read More