4 reasons to put a ‘bucks up in the club

Ya know, that last ridiculous-sizes-at-Starbucks article got me thinking. Thinking about drinking. And partying. Don’t give me that look. I mean, the two topics might not seem similar enough to compare to one another, but seeing as the previous piece’s topic was indeed about excess (with those venti and venti plus beverages they push over there), it kinda sorta does. But, in a good way. Prospectively. Cause (as usual) I.. Read More

Starbucks’ sizes are weird because you’re fat.

Gather round, children. I’ve had a life changing epiphany. I finally get why the sizes at Starbucks are so effing weird. You know what I mean, right? Like, how “grande” would actually be “large” compared to the smaller size they call a “tall”. But then that can’t be right, ‘cause they’ve got the “venti” – which is actually what we consider the biggest – so it makes negative zero sense.. Read More

Stop crying over spilt Starbucks. Espesh if it’s free.

What do you do when someone gives you a gift? That you hate? You smile and pretend like you’re totally not gonna throw away the fabric holocaust that is this sweater which makes your shoulder and hips look like Melissa McCarthy’s body on a quasi-normal face, right? Or hit PetFinder – to find a home for the pup you were gifted who can’t stop chewing the furniture? And by “furniture”,.. Read More

Why I started green-tea-latte Methadone for my Starbucks habit.

Ughh… Starbucks announces S'mores Frappuccinos for a limited time only http://t.co/9BlNkD7Z9y pic.twitter.com/J2ORzZDRUl — Huffington Post (@HuffingtonPost) April 17, 2015 I hate it when they do these limited time edition specialty drinks which probably all taste alike anyway. Admittedly, though, while part of me is disgusted… another part of me is curious. Curious about whether it’d look like a giant muddy mural version of a Dexter spatter if I bought twelve.. Read More

Update on Starbucks’ new faux-co-nut milk

Well, it’s a good thing there’s still a week left till ‘bucks starts adding coconut milk to my addiction list. Why? ‘cause it gave me a chance to read an update on how… it’s not true coconut milk. Here’s the ingredient list: Now, if you can’t read that, the ingredients include water, coconut cream, cane sugar, tricalcium phosphate, coconut water concentrate, natural flavors, sea salt, carrageenan, gellan gum, corn dextrin,.. Read More

Starbucks’s imminently selling coconut milk; my body is ready.

“You know what would make this green tea soy latte better?” “What?” “Nothing. Nothing at all.” This is an actual conversation I’ve had before, while orally worshipping the frothy forest colored beverage before me. The world morphs into a Monet of the senses during those first few sips. Speaking to me’s useless as I seek to satisfy the fiend within. However, it didn’t take long for me to move onto.. Read More

Great news. I am VERY excite.

It is with great pride and a warm heart that I’d like to announce this: In nine months… there will be a delivery happening in my world. Lighting up my darkened life. Bringing tears of joy to my eyes. Making me want to break out into all the Disney-esque songs I love and maybe even a few I hate every time I see him: The Starbucks delivery man. Now that’s.. Read More

National Coffee Day: I missed my free fix today because of you.

What? How could you? How could all of you bastards do this to me? In what feels like the worst surprise party ever, nobody took the time to warn me that National Coffee day was today. (I’ll pause for you to purse your lips solemnly and e-console me). Had I known, had I been forewarned, had one of you people who claims to be my friend reminded me the way.. Read More

Sugar and spice and everything psych (how Starbucks’ seasonal bevs mindfckk you)

Ah, so there’s a deeper psychology to all this seasonal beverage stuff? Ya know, a breezy fall day like this almost makes me want to get a pumpkin spiced latte. Almost. Out of pure spite, is it, that this overpriced drink doesn’t automatically become my vegan vice (do they make it with soy?) right here and now. Yes, because I’m still butthurt over their introduction of it so prematurely in.. Read More