You can play with my chestketballs. If you don’t stare at them.

“May I have a key to your restroom?” I asked this to the Shell clerk one day en route to a run in the park, while clad in Puma jogging tights. “It’s outside,” he responded. To my vagina. (“That’s two floors above where you’re at, dear.”) He didn’t even try to avert his eyes. It was almost like it was deliberate. Now, while the man in that little IRL anecdote.. Read More

Waiting for my train to come in…

Some people wait their whole lives for their ship to come in. I, personally, just want my train to come in. Specifically, this one: It’s funny, I was actually talking to my first and last tattoo artist about this yesterday as he installed an itty bitty heart on my ring finger – how much fun it can be riding public transit trains. While I’d love this to happen to me.. Read More

5 Do’s ‘n Don’ts for the common cuddle. Are you failing?

On the heels of my “smile more” article, we’re going to work on hugs. While smiling affects others in a mirror-neuron kindofa way, hugs do the same in a more in-your-face kinda way. The similarity is that both can make you happy, both can reduce stress and thus illness, and both can be spread just as virally as those illnesses you’re not getting from doing them. So after you’ve mastered.. Read More

Don’t park or fart next to me.

So, I saw this little cartoon today: And while I can’t literally relate (inasmuch as I haven’t learned how to mold my femme flesh into a funnel just yet for the purpose of relieving myself while standing upright), I can relate on a “personal space” level. I think everyone can. Not terribly long ago, I wrote about that new something-awful trend of dudes taking up space on the metro train… Read More

Judging hands and jobs.

The only lubricant in this story….is social lubricant. And that’s exactly what Cognitive Neuroscience says handshakes are. According to these palm professionals, we should always shake hands when we’re meeting strangers. Why? It’s a great way for us to all do what we do best as assholes: judge each other. When we start off with contact, it’s a nice non-verbal way of being positive to a stranger. An unspoken temporary.. Read More