New dude birth control Gandalfs your vas deferens.

So we’re officially only a couple years off from male birth control. And… I’m still not sure I’m sold. So let’s talk about this. I mean, the idea seems great. In theory. Why should I have to be the one to pollute the interstitial freeways of the meat puppet I live in with side effect inducing hormones? Bishes be cray as it is. Why exacerbate the scenario by adding more.. Read More

Eff casual Friday. I want baseball cap Everydays.

I’m only a few weeks into working outside the home, but I already would like to make a motion. Specifically – for baseball caps to be part of the accepted attire. Not just at my awesome new job. I mean everywhere – at every job. (Even tyrants in training) ’cause in the past year, my own go-to head shield of choice has come to be an extension of my scalp… Read More

You can play with my chestketballs. If you don’t stare at them.

“May I have a key to your restroom?” I asked this to the Shell clerk one day en route to a run in the park, while clad in Puma jogging tights. “It’s outside,” he responded. To my vagina. (“That’s two floors above where you’re at, dear.”) He didn’t even try to avert his eyes. It was almost like it was deliberate. Now, while the man in that little IRL anecdote.. Read More

Sandy vaj? There’s a tablet for that.

Do you want to take the blue pill? Or the pink pill? Well, if we’re talking about libido boosters versus making some moral decision about saving the world, it’s pretty simple. We’re all well aware that the notorious “blue pill” is for boys. But what you may not know is that there’s now a pink one, as well – for girls gone dry. And while that’d make a fun title.. Read More

Funny guys get laid more – but so can you.

Giving a chick the gift of laughter is pretty much like putting a vibrator to her cognitive clitoris. Ring heaven’s doorbell and you’re halfway to ringing her devil’s doorbell too. Being permitted entry into the feminine fortress is never far off. Unless, of course, you kill it by doing something like laughing at your own jokes. Or maybe having a micro-peen. But, generally speaking, if you’re good at educing mind-gasms,.. Read More

Why birth control makes you crazy

This just in from science: Taking birth control can make you crazy. Because it’s got extra of what makes you a woman in it. No, seriously. I’m on board with this. And hear me out. Think about it: as beaver bearing humanoids, we’re already destined for the genetic predisposition toward mental illness to begin with. That’s just our birthright. Our karmic reward for eating the serpent’s Granny Smith. I’m not.. Read More

Orwellian ovarian overlords: snatch spies are hacking your hormones online

We’ve become accustomed (somehow) to the fact that everything’s monitored when we web surf. But what about when we women folk are surfing that… plus our lady tides simultaneously? Well, if Mr. Hall worked for the right marketing companies, he might tell Cher he already knew that. Because this is apparently a new thing happening. In I-told-you-so news, marketers can now get their hands on your flow info – if.. Read More

Not sure if fail… or win.

You never know where the clickable online rabbit hole will take you after a long day. Like where I ended up the other night while sitting down for some mindless interwebz after going a million miles a second all day from sunup to sundown: watching this ridiculous video. Its title was something like: “Tips for how to make a man adore you.” You might think I was hoping to pick.. Read More

5 things everyone (not just chicks) can learn.

I found this fun “ways women are disconnected from themselves” article today. This “line em up and knock ‘em down” list of what we’re doing wrong and how to sort it out bothered me for two reasons. First was because these gender-wallow articles always make me feel like I’m part of some melancholic coven. Like if Daria, Janine Garafalo, and the daughter from Roseanne had all started a sorority under.. Read More

Vintage bras were a sin against tit-kind.

I never met my maternal great grandmother. But from what I heard, she was awesome. And from what history says, she was probably awesome because she went through a lot of hard times – like The Great Depression, little food, tight funds, and shitty bras…? Yes. You heard me. There’s a lot of stuff our lady ancestors had to deal with while playing Suzy Seamstress and Connie Cook. And while.. Read More