STD scare? There’s a clap App for that

Okay. “Clap App” may not be what they call it. But they totally should. Let’s call a thing a thing. Poke a little fun at your current sitch after unprotected poking. Because what’s more hilarious than someone who has an app on their phone dedicated to furtively Fed Exing chlamydia kits (gonorrhea too!) to your personal residence? Let’s just think about this for a moment. Why do you have the.. Read More

What I learned from screw-icidal mice

Jesus. I thought I had a fckkd up relache with sex. But then I read about this animal today called the Antechinus – who forks for fourteen hours at a time, OD’s on his own testosterone, and then finally dies ‘cause his immune system goes out. (On the upside, he doesn’t have to stick around to raise the kids seeing as they’re burying his bones while he’s still got a.. Read More

Are YOU on the funds, comfort, and fornication carousel?

“Do people who make more money have more sex? Are they happier in life?” This may seem like a two part answer of “Duh” and “Duh point duh to the are-you-kidding-me-th power”, but let’s pick it apart a little bit. Sure, there are the obvious, superficial reasons the well-off catch a good batch of strange on the regular. But what about when people like you or I get a raise?.. Read More

Funny guys get laid more – but so can you.

Giving a chick the gift of laughter is pretty much like putting a vibrator to her cognitive clitoris. Ring heaven’s doorbell and you’re halfway to ringing her devil’s doorbell too. Being permitted entry into the feminine fortress is never far off. Unless, of course, you kill it by doing something like laughing at your own jokes. Or maybe having a micro-peen. But, generally speaking, if you’re good at educing mind-gasms,.. Read More

Nature facts: Chick chimps are hungry whores paid by mugger males

My Twit-feed often asks us the more relevant life-questions: How do we transcend low vibrational consciousness? Can we save the planet? Which hole will a chick chimp fill first when she’s hungry and her homeboy’s horny? What happens when male chimps seek sex but females are more interested in food? — National Geographic (@NatGeo) April 16, 2015 Ah, yes. This was the transcendent aha moment I’d been seeking all.. Read More

Handies for the handicapped.

So… one courageous volunteer group is giving new meaning to the term “handicapped”. Like, as in, their hands on your mushroom cap… if you’re disabled and mayhaps can’t DIY. The rundown is that it’s a bunch of people who volunteer to do “second base” kinda stuff for those whose physical setbacks preclude them from having normal reaches or even takin curr’a bidniz themselves (like if you’ve got a muscle waste-y.. Read More

“I carry your DNA. I carry it in my DNA…”

Okay, I like the whole “awakened consciousness” stuff as much as the next person. But I gotta draw the line somewhere. That’s why when I saw this video of some dude who sounded like he was living in a mountaintop trailer, broadcasting daily about the grey astral immigrants who abduct him on a semi-regular basis, my eyebrows did an involuntary raise. I try not to judge. Some people have just.. Read More