New dude birth control Gandalfs your vas deferens.

So we’re officially only a couple years off from male birth control. And… I’m still not sure I’m sold. So let’s talk about this. I mean, the idea seems great. In theory. Why should I have to be the one to pollute the interstitial freeways of the meat puppet I live in with side effect inducing hormones? Bishes be cray as it is. Why exacerbate the scenario by adding more.. Read More

You can play with my chestketballs. If you don’t stare at them.

“May I have a key to your restroom?” I asked this to the Shell clerk one day en route to a run in the park, while clad in Puma jogging tights. “It’s outside,” he responded. To my vagina. (“That’s two floors above where you’re at, dear.”) He didn’t even try to avert his eyes. It was almost like it was deliberate. Now, while the man in that little IRL anecdote.. Read More

Men: why is your morning meat caffeinated before you are?

Ah, morning wood. (Really, I’d expect nothing less from someone who walks around pantless all the time) Any straight femme who’s ever done the long term relache thing is well aware of this phallic phenomena (in fact, I’m just now wondering if that’s why they’ve graciously endowed it with the “cock” moniker – ‘cause like a throbbing, veiny, rooster – it’s up and crowing before you are?) Yes. That’s the.. Read More

Funny guys get laid more – but so can you.

Giving a chick the gift of laughter is pretty much like putting a vibrator to her cognitive clitoris. Ring heaven’s doorbell and you’re halfway to ringing her devil’s doorbell too. Being permitted entry into the feminine fortress is never far off. Unless, of course, you kill it by doing something like laughing at your own jokes. Or maybe having a micro-peen. But, generally speaking, if you’re good at educing mind-gasms,.. Read More

Not sure if fail… or win.

You never know where the clickable online rabbit hole will take you after a long day. Like where I ended up the other night while sitting down for some mindless interwebz after going a million miles a second all day from sunup to sundown: watching this ridiculous video. Its title was something like: “Tips for how to make a man adore you.” You might think I was hoping to pick.. Read More

5 things everyone (not just chicks) can learn.

I found this fun “ways women are disconnected from themselves” article today. This “line em up and knock ‘em down” list of what we’re doing wrong and how to sort it out bothered me for two reasons. First was because these gender-wallow articles always make me feel like I’m part of some melancholic coven. Like if Daria, Janine Garafalo, and the daughter from Roseanne had all started a sorority under.. Read More

Men who take lotsa selfies are psychos?

Really? My bubbly, smiley, sexy, kinda famous, and totally gay husband Kyle Krieger? James Franco? Every man that makes me laugh from Russell Brand to Richardland? All these men take selfies. And I’d put my head in the oven immediately if they or their selfies left my life. Even though my oven runs on electricity. ’cause if selfies equal pscyho and if psycho is wrong – I don’t wanna be.. Read More