“If morphine causes euphoria, a kappa agonist causes dysphoria.”
The quote comes from a hippie doctor in a recent VICE article.
And he’s referencing salvia.
You may’ve heard of this stuff from when Hannah Montana smoked it a while ago and then subsequently morphed herself and her crew into real-time furry cabaret carnival in concert. I’d heard about salvia a bit earlier – in college – when a friend tried it. His detailing of the experience didn’t make it altogether seductive sounding. (“I laughed hysterically, faceplanted on the table corner, and bled everywhere!”). So I never tried it. But, as my substance salad bar days of all you can nom experimentation are now long behind me, I still do what any old person does – looking nostalgically back on what was and wondering which path they would’ve taken if they could have a re-do. Or what drugs they would’ve eaten in addition to the ones now pressed indelibly between the pages of their hippocampus photo album housing altered consciousness events.
For me, salvia ain’t one of them.
Peyote? Maybe. (No. Probably not. Next!)
DMT? Probably.
Ahayuasca? Sure (if I have a shamanic babysitter nearby to hold me like lovers in icy water after the Titanic’s just sunk).
“Why are we blue, Jack? Is life a David Lynch movie now? Fcck you. Get your own raft.”
Yeah… all’a these things I might have tried. Before. I can’t today, because I that I understand that it’d start innocently enough with the peyote – but inevitably end up all the way in the Amazon, short a few grand, and begging a medicine man to join forces with me, feeding off the drug vines for sustenance, and co-piloting a cult – starting with the tourists tripping their balls off there as our helter skelter first-round followers.
So, I can’t do that.
But I can sure read about this stuff. And talk about it. So, I do.
And today, some salvia musings in this article offered me a chance to glance over a few non-biased reminders about the less awesome side of mind altering chemicals (aside from the obvious that happens when you’re bad at moderating). The bits that make you feel like you’re Alice in Wonderland – if Alice looked like the elephant man and could see sounds through her skin. So, I hopped down this rabbit hole I’m glad I never jumped into IRL to peruse a few user comments:
Will: “One of the last times I smoked Salvia (20x), I entered a completely different dimension by floating through a hole in tail of a giant multi-colored goldfish. In this other dimension, I received memories of having been there before. It was like an “Oh yeah, time to get back to work now,” type of feeling. I found myself at a control panel with another humanoid being standing next to me. Beyond the control panel was some sort of slide…kind of like a slide at a water park which slowly disappears at its bend. The slide had a weird pastel/beige look to it. My duty was to monitor or control this slide or conveyor belt contraption. The next thing I know, I’m floating above my body…having no memory I was once a human being…while seeing my friend watching me from the treadmill in his basement. I eventually entered my body and spend several minutes relearning how to move and communicate through language.”
Humanoids? Huma-NOPE. Next!
Chris: “Done it twice. Different experience both times, though neither being what I’d call fun. First time was completely disassociative. Didn’t know where I was, what I was doing, or what that thing in my hand was (it was the pipe I’d just smoked salvia with). Second time it felt like I was being shoved feet first into the narrow end of some kind of cone-shaped space, the more I was pushed in, the smaller I became. I would try it again though.”
(and my personal favorite):
“Salvia takes you through a wormhole of consciousness, redefining the world around you into near unrecognizable sensory stimuli. Four times I’ve descended into this realm, four times I said I’d never return again; but I will.
The first time, I was skeptical that most drugs may just be placebos after trying weed several times to no effect. ‘Do you feel it yet?’ my step brother asked me, ‘Nooo…’ I responded, gazing at his elongating face, his large nose beginning to crane toward me. The hilarity of the situation became uncontrollable, I laughed for five minutes straight, drooling all over myself.
The second sunk me deep inside my bed, the blankets around me curving up like a cocoon to consume my vision. I was in another world there, for a moment.
The third was unfortunately a bad trip. I’d decided to drink some water after taking the hit, hoping to wash down that disgusting taste before the trip hit. Tipping up my jug for a swig, I lost all sense of reality. Cool liquid slid in slow motion down my throat, sudden and overwhelming, a stinging in my nose accompanying a flash of light that blurred what vision I had left. I was now a water machine. Using arms that felt like robotic limbs ejecting H20, I began feeding what I believed were streams of water to the hole in my face, alternating one hand then the other. There were frequent malfunctions, my air intake clogged causing me to seizure within my hallucination like an engine suddenly jammed, something I later assumed was coughing. This seemed to last forever, until reality returned anyway and I found myself with an empty jug in one hand, completely soaked, my throat, lungs and nose sore like I’d inhaled a lot of water.
The fourth was refreshingly different, and some time later. I was with a friend, who’d just finished laughing for five minutes after his, and now it was my turn. This particular salvia was higher in concentration, 80x vs the 40x hits I’d done before. I’d venture to say my hit was bigger too. Seconds later it hit me like a train, I fell sideways cackling, the textures in the room dragging like a laggy windows 98. The coffee table in front of me became a vast forest, inhabited by people I was told later I wouldn’t stop talking about; the space between the couch I was sitting and the table became the crack to a large door, something I tried to unsuccessfully to peek through to the realm beyond. I came to laying on the floor, reality gradually buzzing back into place.
Haven’t ever regretted using salvia, but I’ll say I’ve had 2 grams around for months that I haven’t touched. Don’t anticipate getting addicted. Also, use ice if you smoke it from a bong; if anything disgusts me about salvia it’s the taste and smell.”
I was pleasantly surprised to see how articulate some of these recreational reprobates were. In fact, if there was one thing I learned reading over these, it was about the kinda crowd this particular realm of drugs attracts: people looking to expand their consciousness and gain a better sense of self-awareness and the world around them through drug use. Not just an escape from life, pain, and feeling. (Which is likely why I was never interested in this genre of drugs till I quit every kind there is.)
A decision I’m as glad about making as I am about never having tried salvia.
That said, I’ll carry on vicariously smoking up VICE’s accounts about ‘em.
Especially these drug dysphoria stories that remind me what I have done right in life.
#encouragement