Okay I’m just going to say it.
Sons of Anarchy was awesome for several seasons. But as the “Final Ride” finale draws near, this show is fccking depressing me so much that I can’t even eat my feelings over what a disappointment it is. Generally, I’ll sit there gnawing away nervously at a bowl of delicious berries as I watch grizzled grown men attend meetings in their “No girls allowed!” motorcycle fort. It’s been this fun adult version of the Little Rascals. Except with more murder. And Buckwheat’s not allowed.
(Not my rules, Orangey.)
But now it’s just become less sexy and more wrist-slitty as a multitude of these main characters that have grown on me are getting knocked off one by one in the most unsurprising ways. Bobby’s already been picked apart like a Thanksgiving turkey by the time he gets shot. Juice has already had the juice of every prison member in him by the time he gets a neck shank. There’s not enough “didn’t see THAT shit coming” element happening whatsoever. Am I the only one getting that feeling? It’s the same bored feeling I got with Walking Dead that made me stop watching altogether.
Except with SOA, it’s morphing into that plus a dismal malaise as I watch what has deteriorated from its former glory into a testosterone imbued soap opera. I used to suffer a mild addiction to this show. Now, much like when you reach a tolerance for any addictive chemical, I just want for it to either improve in quality – or end very, very soon. Put it out of its misery like Juice and Bobby (and hopefully Gemma. Or is it “Jemma”? Do I care anymore?).
Fortunately, exactly that is about to happen.
And, ya know – maybe this was Kurt Sutter’s plan all along. He saw how much the viewers of Breaking Bad suffered on an Inception level – going through cold turkey withdrawal after the termination of their meta-methamphetamine AMC series. The poor bastards didn’t know what to do with themselves. Television junkies everywhere had to enter imaginary rehab online in the form of social media forums.
While I don’t know much about Kurt, I do know he’s a recovering addict of some sort. So, is this his magnanimous way of tapering us off compassionately? Like when I tapered off of Valium, my tolerance dropped, and suddenly my taper doses made me feel sick to the point of wanting to not take them anymore? Is he spacing apart the episodes so that we don’t get to inundated with all that loud man-backslapping, the bro hugs, and Jackson saying things like “I’ll haaaahhhndle it”?
(Almost, darling.)
When I think of it that way, it makes sense. That way, by the time it’s over we won’t be mourning it like the corpse of a one eyed one-handed Bobby in the backyard. Rather, we can just reflect and celebrate the good parts of its life before it caught entertainment AIDS from using a dirty dope needle.
Smart thinking, Kurt. Very smart thinking.
Despite my disappointment, I’m not here to hate on the facepalmery that is “The Last Ride”. Rather, you get an A for effort and for principles. I mean, the fact that you care about us enough to make your season finale so exhaustingly awful for our own good, speaks volumes of you. Not many creators of such epic shows would be willing to sacrifice quality for the sake of their audience’s well being. So, I’ll watch your show to the bitter end, Sir Sutter, out of solidarity. And appreciation for your selflessness.
And because the last time I quit drugs before the suggested dose was over, I suffered mild brain damage.