Wait. Wait. Wait a minute.
I just stumbled across the most epic ingredients for a horror movie narrative.
Via this ridiculous art sculpture I thought was video-shopped:
My head was so shocked at the sight of this slinky head that I had to watch it three times: once to be wowed by the sorcery without trying to figure it out, once again to process what was going on, and then a final time to gawk at the hot model doing the demo. Because I’m a cavewoman as a cultured artist, I like to look at pretty things.
Apparently it’s by this dude Li Hongbo, an artist from Beijing. And he creates these works of mental egg-beatery using naught but paper. Lots of it. He takes thousands of sheets, glued to form a large block – before whittling that block into things like skulls and lady bodies. The hard part is that – to make them come apart and look like the torso orbs that lead Donnie Darko into his predestined future and movie theater portals – he has to glue and pin each of the thousands of paper pieces just so.
My first thought was that I should commission Mr. Hongbo to fashion one of these in the image of my shih-tzu so that I might replace her with my own version of Jake the Dog to go on adventures with on afternoons like these when the caffeine departs and the frantic insanity sets in.
But my second thought was to collaborate with him instead on the best B horror film since that one that Paris Hilton did. Tell me this wouldn’t make an excellent “House of Wax”-esque flick that centers on a sicko molding corpses into accordions. You can’t. Because this guy’s the Stephen Hawking of psychos. He uses deli-thin transverse slices of victim’s dead bodies (that get pretreated in *insert approp. chemical solution* before being glued back together). And then he trolls the surviving victims stuck in his barely lit lair (just like Leatherface did to Biel in that Chainsaw remake when he wore her boyfriend’s face) by unfolding them right when they walk up all…
“Bobby? Is that you….?
“…Oh! I’m so glad you’re aliv–VVVVLAAAHHHHHHHBLAAH….!
“….-AAAAAHHH-…”
“…ERMAHGAAAHDSOMEBODYHALLLPME!!!!1”
(Bonus points for optimal B movie status if the corpse accordion actually plays a song as it opens up.)