“This is for the birds.”
You know, I never got that saying… until 2:30 this morning. The birds are indeed cray with an invisible “Z” this year. The early wakeup songs used to be a good unofficial and natural “second alarm” indicator on weekdays for how I was doing on time as I prepped for work, because it always initiated at just about five A.M. or so.
Then Spring came (if you can call it that), and that all ended.
They’d start at 4:00, then 3:00, and now it’s 2:30 on a Sunday morning and they’re singing me the song of their people as if they’re auditioning for Midspring’s Night Dreams-are-something-I’ll-never-experience-again. Try as I might, I couldn’t find a good Google answer for why this was transpiring. There were just other similar queries like mine and quasi sci-replies about how “mostly males do it” and that it’s to both “stake their territorial claim and attract mates.” – but no direct responses for “why so much earlier than usual unlike other years?”
So, I’m going to: A. Ask you to pardon the imminent pun, and B. Go “out on a limb”, and extrapolate:
Despite this never-ending winter we’ve had (during which my area got the majority of its snow during March), there’ve been a few sporadic Spring-like days. It warmed up to over sixty degrees, the sun shone, and some greenery even tried to pop up; but much of it was short lived when followed by a streak of grey days, icky cold, and subsequent death-cicle departures. My guess is that during that brief window of warmth, the birds ‘n bees did what birds and bees (and today’s teenagers in the bathroom stalls during lunchtime) do when they catch Spring Fever: Screw each other e’ry which way.
And like every other spring, some dudes didn’t quite make the cut.
However, when the Father Freeze returned to sodomize Spring, Mother Nature kindly offered these poor losers another chance; and despite the obvious difference that our jobs are not (usually) about sex, we share a lot more in common than a 5 AM alarm. While some of us get pay freezes, they got a quite literal freeze. The difference is that theirs ironically afforded them a second chance.
The mockingbirds’ “mock” interview is over.
After the epic fail of that first round, they’re not about to to risk a repeat. But much like a guy who’s been “let go” from a job or bombed an interview, they’re not just back in the Cedar saddle, but they’re back with renewed resolve: They’re punctual, working overtime, and (to my chagrin) starting three hours ahead of schedule.
Before you get too jealous about having a job where you hit on chicks all day, from the sounds of their overzealous and endless singing, it seems like most of them are getting shot down – first by the ladybirds and subsequently right out of the Darwinian tree.
In fact, for those who don’t settle down and start a fam, I think I read about how they get bitched around for their lack of dominance by every “more dominant” bird and how more dominant birds can peck and pick on any less dominant birds just for kicks (hence the term “pecking order”). Sigh. Yet another giant bird/job parallel emerges.
I’m sure I could think up some more if I wasn’t so fcking tired for lack of sleep.
In the meantime, I guess the takeaway can be that at least your crappy job or pay cut just means lowering your standards in life; not your life itself depending on any random wench lowering her standards to be with you (as you preen and dance and sing your ass off to impress her). It’s like those old couples who saved their V-cards for marriage, courted extensively first, and then never divorced: After all that bullshit and hard work, no wonder the feathered freaks mate for life…
And shit on your car.
xoxo
<3~A