Miss Ashley Pants

VIDEO TUTORIALS SUCK
Want to know why most video makeup tutorials suck sphincter?

Video chicks love four things:

1. To hear themselves talk.
2. To fish for comment compliments.
3. To flatter themselves.
4. To HEAR THEMSELVES TALK.

Seriously?! A ten minute intro for something titled “Everyday Smokey Nude Eyeshadow Tutorial”..? Girl, you’ve got five subscribers, even fewer views, and the only comments are from spam bots or other losers who “Sub4Sub’d’d’d”…whatever that means. Worse yet, you start with “OMG, all of you guys, I’m so sorry I haven’t made a video in a while!” Betch, who’re you trying to kid? Nobody missed you.

So, when a friend asked me to do an “eyeshadow tutorial”, the tri-sequence of thoughts came to mind:

1. No way. 2. Wait…I’m not a makeup professional? and 3. Fine I’ll do my “routine”, but I’m not making a video. So, there’s your disclaimer. I’m no pro if you want to judge or run the other direction (preferably do the latter if you plan to do the former). This is just an “I listen to MUA friends and try to follow their techniques” thing. So there that is.

I keep my ish matte and monotone. But to keep this simple, I’ve renamed all the colors to fit whatever palette you purchase. So, gloss over the diagram, read the Non-Pro protips after, and then give it a go.

If you want.

NONPRO PROTIPS:
1. Why use brushes? Blending is the key to achieving a “natural look” via a gradient of color
2. Why Primer first? So shadow will stay on and and you won’t look like a reptile.
3. Hate cream liners? Swap a liquid liner on top lid and crayon liner on bottom (crayon won’t get everywhere if you cut an onion or get fired or whatever else makes your eyeballs leak).
4. Why mascara last? So that white shadow doesn’t fall on your black lashes.
5. Why do foundation after eyes? Same idea as 4. Speckled face flakes are not cute.
6. And finally, why put light eyeshadow on the lid and brow bone and the darker shades in the crease?

Answer? The same reason white pants make you look fatter, black is slimming, and your art teacher preached about contrast: Highlights give the illusion of looking larger and closer to the eye, while shades give the illusion of depth. Thus, if you’ve got little lids or small eyes, a darkened crease (skin at the top of your eyeball) sandwiched between a lightened eyelid and brow bone will give the illusion of a larger, wider, deep set eye.

WHY THE FKK YOU SO BORING?
If you’re around my age (wrong side of 25), matte (non-shimmery) palettes might be your preference too. Why? You’re not 19 anymore and the sparkly Kesha look isn’t as cute for a professional everyday look… unless your “profession” entails an every night look (no, graveyard shift nurses, I don’t mean you). Any quality matte palette is fine. The one used here is by brand “Smashbox” and the palette is called “Softbox”. But any good neutral, nude palettes will usually work though. Try Sephora or Ulta.

Y U NO SHOP DRUGSTORE?
I do. For liquid liner and q-tips. But have you ever bought a shadow and it doesn’t look on you like it does in the palette? Or it blends badly? Or gets really dusty and lands everywhere but your lid? Yeah. That’s why I like Smashbox, Lorac, Urban Decay, or Nars (the pigment and application’s just better). Considering the cost versus how quickly I’ve gone through the drugstore ones, it’s not a snob or status thing (which would be pointless, seeing as no one’s ever eye-dentified a brand of shadow I’m wearing). They just last long enough justify the price. Want quality sans ridiculous price? Try Urban Decay’s matte palette or Nars’ duo shadows instead of a full palette.

If the principle of paying piles for primping is still too much (or you want a hint of shimmer), go ahead and do the drugstore thing. Rimmel’s and Maybelline’s trishadows aren’t too bad, just expect to run out of the shades you use the most in a month or two:

xoxo
<3~A