I won’t usually do this… But the sea I see of camel toes and plumber cracks flooding the malls, salon, local gas station, etc. has forced me to bestow upon you a great, GREAT gift: So enjoy my generosity while it lasts.
Specifically, this is solid advice for my HIGH HIPPED and LOW WAISTED beauties alike. So for those of you with short attention spans, keep reading. This is important: For you not to embarrass yourself, and for me not to have to see your “situation” anymore.
Chances are, you don’t look like this. If you do, your high or low waist probably doesn’t detract from your appearance. Why do I say that? Because I hate fat people, obviously.
Duh, no.
The thing about the girl above is that you can put her waist at her neck or at her ankles and it doesn’t matter. Why? Because she’s the same size up and down! Ever hear girls talk about “curves”? It’s not just a euphemism that chunky chick at your office uses to get through her day without crying off the cobalt cream liner on a limited edition palette she paid a C note have Fed-Exed overnight before the Christmas party, only to find she could no longer fit into the dress she bought for it the night before.
Digressing…
The point is that when you have a “shape” to your body – especially hips, you have to rock the right outfit, lest you risk making any jeans look like “mom jeans”. There are a ton of ways to do this, but the secret weapon I’m going to share with you today comes as one word and one word only:
CAMISOLE
Well, to be specific “long” and/or “stretchy” camisole would be best. How does this gem work? I’ll start with the “high hipped” ladies:
I drew up this gem to illustrate the way that a seemingly simple denim ensemble can make you look forty before you even hit your ten year high school reunion. Ick. As if those ceaseless summers of tanning, lathered in baby oil at your fake local beach (that was really a dirty lake with some imported sand) wasn’t enough – you really don’t need to add years to your appearance. Especially when you’re on the wrong side of 25.
Thus, arrives the cami to the rescue:
Yes, yes it is like magic! You put a cami underneath your too-short shirt, and voila~!! Both your chunky thighs and your camel toe are no longer blinding me while I have to listen to Mischka pay less attention to my hair she’s supposed to be highlighting and more attention to herself talk about about the boyfriend who’s not really her boyfriend, and how she can’t wait to spy on him tonight while he’s on a date with someone who’s probably hotter. And better at hair. I wonder where she works?
Anyway, notice I did and didn’t do a couple things with my lovely MSPaint cartoon:
1. I did not change her shirt’s length.
2. I did make the camisole a slightly different shade from the shirt itself.
Why? Let me ask you the same. Does it make a big difference? No. Chances are that you’re not going to find a cami in the exact color as your favorite too-short shirt (or sweater, or long sleeved tee, or…I shouldn’t have to spell this out for you – really); But it doesn’t matter. A close match usually yields successful results. I have yet to be asked if “I’m wearing layers”, and yet not to surprise someone when I reveal that I am.
So where do you get this gem?
Ugh. I hate endorsing people who aren’t paying me, so I refuse to give you a click through link. Besides, I highly advise trying them on anyway before you buy. Even though I don’t. When you do try it on, remember, get the stretchy kind and it should hit about mid thigh – just to even out your curves. I’ll say this much though, if you go to Target, buy one of each (Merona “Ultimate Cami” preferably) in black, grey, brown, white and navy.If you’re freaking out, don’t; They’re like 8 bucks a piece, so times 5 that’s no more than you’d buy on your cheapest eyeshadow palette (hopefully).
And don’t feel like a heifer if you have to buy it large to get the length. Feel like a heifer if you have to buy it in large to get the width.
Kidding! Kind of.
xoxo
<3~A