For give me, Father…*sob*…for… *sob*…
… I have cin’d.
That’s right. Cinema binged. Every evening this weekend.
And I deserve to be absolved with nothing less than hydrochloric acid. I’m not proud. And I’m not sure what caused this. But I’ve got a pretty good idea. My guess is that it’s the same as last time, really. I think too much playing catch-up with reading and writing and multiple workouts and various other tasks has sent my active brain and body into overdrive until I’ve finally just sought stupid, vapid, fantastical dramas. This isn’t my usual M.O. these days, but I think sometimes it’s important to just go with it. Depart slightly from reality to remember what you’re not missing. But, as you may’ve recalled from when I tried to watch “Gone Girl”, my attempts to be passively entertained always fail. I destroy my own fun with one zillion introspective inquiries whether it’s movies or a simple, sweet country music song.
One example was when I watched – against my better judgment – a Nick Sparks flick this week:
“The Best Of Me”.
(At least there was hot young half naked eye candy. Marsden’s still kinda got it too.)
I hate reliving the plot, but I’ll try: The backstory’s set in the 90’s. A poor kid who’s abused all his life by a douchey dad somehow turns out a perfect intelligent gentleman early on. Finally, tired of eating his pops knuckle sandwhiches every afternoon, he seeks refuge with an elderly kindly widower – all while a romance with a rich girl who’s unrealistically into him blossoms. Tragedy strikes at prom. He ends up in jail. Doesn’t talk to her while in there. Fastforward 20 years. She’s married. He’s transmogrified into a different next level hottie human man (somehow?), and the old man’s died. Old dude’s also left his home situation and ashes for them to sort out, so they reunite to do that but end up (obv.) forking on the sly. Because her choice to stay married to an assgrab makes her choice to cheat on him totally okay and better than when a dude does it.
Oh, Marsden dies in the end – same night her son has the randomest accident ever and needs a heart transplant.
And who’s lifeless corpse do you think the heart comes from?
A better question might be who can donate me new eyeballs because these have officially rolled outta my head.
I kept thinking at least three things (that won’t make sense unless you’ve seen it) the entire time: 1. That kid looks zero like a young James Marsden and everything like a young Heath Ledger – what’d he have, a face transplant? 2. Speaking of James Marsden, this is a Notebook rip off made ironic by the fact that the cheat-ee from the one a decade ago is part of the cheat-ing this go round. And 3. He never picked back up his Physics book that he laid on her engine while he was under her hood and working on the car she purposely sabotaged to see him – I bet it’s still there now. Is it there now? I need to know. The rest of my complaints about this movie are too obvious to warrant detailed explanache: trite, predictable, underdeveloped son-character, and – wait, here’s a legit one – why is it okay and romantic when a woman cheats on her husband because he’s douchey or she’s still in love or the lighting’s like a Kinkade painting? You’re a coward, bitch. Get off the porch, stop crying into your wine goblet, put on your big girl panties, and get a motherfccking divorce.
The nest is empty. You have zero excuses.
This is why nobody takes feminism seriously.
Stupid ass double standards like this.
“But they were childhood lovvveeeers…”
Mhmm.
A rose by any other name…
… still deserves a rosey letter A carved into your breast flesh.
Ya gahdammned ho.
Next up on cin binge:
“Wish I Was Here”