That’s.
That’s a mannequin.”
In case melanoma by la mar (el mar?) isn’t enough for we who worship the sun ray deities, a solar powered bikini is now on the beach scene (eh – in its beta stages) to power your cancer-causing smartphone (Dr. Oz did a thing on a thing, so that means it’s infallibly true).
Because, like, why take a technology break and enjoy the glittering, rippling waves in your view? Or how miraculous our golden life-giving orb looks against that impossibly aqua colored cloudless sky? Or (shudder) connect with the random passing humans who aren’t you or anyone you already know in your insular clique?
That’d be weird right?
Looking like something designed in the Haus of Gaga, this mirror ball style bikini of disco sticks (get it?) onto all the same places as your unmentionables.
Time out. Why do we call them “unmentionables”?
Penis. Big breaste-ses. Hairy vagina. There. Totally mentionable.
“I’m just trying to make a point, Frank. You don’t have to celebrate it.”
And speaking of things that need mowing, the latest in solar-power creations reach from relaxing while tweeting at a beach to working hard in the yard.
Well, actually, the machine works hard.
This miracle of gears runs on sunlight and human malaise.
While you work toward a lap-band it works laps on your lawn.
That’s right. Don’t move from that futon fanny groove you’ve invested months of nothing into. Keep calm and remain lazy as the machines take over the world – starting with that fantastic mini Batmobile plotting while preening your plot of land.
Batmobiles, big or small, might give a good grass manicure, but they sure as shit can’t fly.
From two-piece runway fashion to a literal runway-for-one the next solar powered wow is this single seater airplane.
It can do a five hour flight fueled by naught but photons and bored billionaire donations.
It’s one of those things where if you can actually afford to do it, you might as well just pay NASA to jet you just enough outside our breathe-o-sphere to see the Earth-curve.
In the mean time, I’ll settle for showing my curves off in last year’s bikini.
And if that mismatch look is still in, I might be able rock a remix of stretchy-retro-combos and get away with my go-to “Mmmyes. It’s new…” fib.
The trick is to stick your nose up during the de-lie-very. That or be blatantly honest in your shame about the money you don’t have. Either way, no one can attack you.
Until your back is turned.
Heh. Kind of like that shovel story I did earlier today.
#bringingitfullcircle #yadig?