I’m not the only one who likes habit hacks #duh
But, I always like when I hear other people’s versions of them:
Indeed – I think I’ve written something about this a while ago (dealing with people trying to dole out unrequested and unwelcome advice). And on a more general level, like in everyday disputes, something similar can apply. The concept of saying “you’re right” can be hard to swallow – and not just because we’re forced to swallow our pride with it. I mean, if I say “you’re right” (and I truly don’t believe it), I’m faced with two issues:
1. I’m lying to myself because I don’t know how you’re right. And that doesn’t feel good, does it?
2. If I say “Yeah, you’re right. I guess I can see how you think hunting naked ladies you’ve captured in the snowy woods of Alaska is a sport” then what if (bear with me here) what if I’m, ya know, wrong about that being right? I guess, per the video, I’m supposed to enact my own “Yes…and” rule:
“I can see how you enjoy your homicidal hobby (concession). Indeed, I’ve heard that the first time you kill it gets easier to continue (empathetic qualifier to show I’m trying to relate). I do wonder, though – wouldn’t it be nice to ask a girl out? Have her worship you willingly? Because of how awesome and eloquent and – uh – good of a hunter you are? (rhetorical pride kick and vanity appeal cocktail – it’s like the compliment sandwich for psychopaths since guilt and regret don’t work).
(“Well… not until just now.”)
I suppose that works.
But if you’re like me and would rather die by some massive force of nature than by the hands of a fellow man, you might not want to conversationally indulge folks arguably born without a conscience. Or just low vibe people in general. The super-opinionated, the negative, and the cruel take the wind right outta my serenity sails. That’s why it was nice when it dawned on me one day as I was just sitting around, marinating in non-thinkery that I can solve most “wrong-way” convos with one of several “rights”:
1. You’re right.
2. Alright.
3. Is that right?
4. I have to return some video tapes… (right now?)
First, if they’re right and you can recognize it – awesome. Second, if you disagree and can’t be bothered to keep indulging them, then “alright” indicates acceptance in an agree-to-disagree way. Third -the question option serves as a way to get them to expound – both for your sake (seeing where they’re coming from if you wanna) and theirs (people who are wrong often monologue their way into a concession).
Example: “…and that’s why I keep locks of their hair afterward. But, I mean… I guess when I kidnap these strippers, I do sort of think ‘what if someone did this to my sister?’…”)
That’s your in. You grab onto the one piece you agree with, nom it down, and disagree with the rest. Voila! You’re back at “you’re right” all over again: “You’re right! Every one of those strippers are your sister. And they’re my sisters too. Because we all come from the same, cosmological, mysterious realm of –…”
(*cue sirens howling in background, red lights reflecting through window*)
“Jesus Christ, that took forever. Thanks for the chat. Enjoy prison, you effing hemorrhoid of humanity.”
As for the fourth thing – it may seem random – and it is. If you can find hilarity in the mundane (what’s funnier than a memetic quote combined with an anachronistic excuse to leave – like VHS tapes?), then totally use it. It’s a great way to exit an argument without stewing in your own hate poison the rest of the day. They don’t have to lay impaled on my opinion sword while bleeding out shame for me to win. They don’t even have to lose for me to win. We can both leave thinking we’re right.
Avoiding think-toxicity is what really wins me an argument. Why? Because if I dislike you enough that I had to think this hard about how I was going to eggshell trot just to respond…
…then why the eff should I let your aftertaste be on my brain all afternoon?