After years of passive aggressive remarks from catty ass betches, like “Oh… are you sick?” or “Did you get enough sleep last night?”, I wondered: Why don’t you just say what you mean, slut?
For insstance:
“Oh Em Gee, just LOOK at those under-eye dark circles, you tacky looking ho! I mean, I don’t really care if you’re sick or not; I just want to draw attention to how awful you look because it makes me feel bigger to bring you down!”
But you know what? NO MORE!
Yes, the “drinking water” thing helps long-term to depuff eyes, face, and water retention in general, but today I have an actual update on an actual product… One that actually WORKS.
I’ve found the fountain of poof. DEE-poof, that is…
It’s a little product made by Garnier; an eye roller that not only is tinted to “cover up” the heinous hue plaguing your peepers, but also actually “deflates” your below-the-lid luggage following sickness and sleepless nights alike.
Without further rambling, I give you:
Yes, I know; it looks like every other eye-xperiemnt you’ve probably tried. The only difference with this roller pen, is that… well it’s finally not just crap in a can!
Tutorial steps, you ask? Why… that would be stupid, considering it’s a fkkng roller pen and the directions are literally on the box.
“It rubs the Renew on it’s skin, or else it gets the bags again…”
But seriously – although that is pretty much the gist of it, there are a few “tips” I’ve generated along the way which help make the product more effective. So, I’ll call it G-eye-dance instead.
Okay enough with the puff puns… Let the testimonials begin:
So, I don’t want you to go out, buy this ish, roll it on and expect the magic to suddenly take form. I mean, it will to a degree, but there are a few tricks that will help.
In short?
1. Roll on, apply multiple layers, but don’t be stingy:
2. Give yourself time (Wait for each layer to dry fully before applying the next)
3. Rub, and pat, and let some of the layers air dry
4. Blend in and enjoy a nice day of exquisite eyes:
Hope you enjoyed that parody on a pair-of-eyes-to-die for, and how to achieve them.
For years I’ve forked forth a fortune for a plethora of puke in a tube: Creams, gels, and other crazy liquids that all now sit, stockpiled in my bathroom cabinet, collecting dust. I could complain about how much money I’ve wasted, but I guess I look at it this way:
When you think about it, it’s like any other “try, try again” experience in life… Similar to our various career mistakes or mishaps that lead us to the “right job”, or how our numerous failed relationships lead to the “right loves of our lives” (or the much smarter decision to stay single/foreveralone), all of these useless purchases eventually ended with me finding that one product that finally made good on its promise to turn around… my bright eyes.
<3~A