It’s almost strange to think there was a time that evolution wasn’t widely accepted.
As ya know, other stuff.
(But only in that looking-back-at-Steve-Jobs-present-WiFi-for-the-first-time-in-1999 sort of way.)
People didn’t know any better.
While religious zealots were the ones who most saw it as a steaming batch of blasphemy in Darwin’s day, the scientific community also wasn’t that open to it initially. Then, as he carried on with his work, it eventually made an increasing amount of sense until it became a whole “how did we ever NOT believe this?” – unless you’re the guy slumped in the back of the class with his arms crossed, smirking out the question, “Well, if we came from apes, like… why are there still apes then?!” #aqueousapes And now, ages after Evy-D’s death (Does that work? “Evy” for evolution? “D” for Darwin? Makes him sound like a hip hop pimp? No? Okay. Moving on)…
Anyway, now, it looks like the same thing’s happening again.
With another one of his retro theories called “jump dispersal”.
Oh, you didn’t know what jump dispersal was until just now?
Me either.
Okay. Imagine you’re a birder. You’re taking a plane out to some rando country for your big year. But instead, you crash land onto some deserted not-on-Google-maps island. There’s a 100% chance you’re the first human who’s ever come here and there’s a just-as-good chance you might die there. So, as the wreckage burns around you, you resolve to do what you like best before you return to dine on your planemates’ dead bodies: do a bit o’ birding round the island. Then, suddenly, life throws you yet another curveball. And you see a familiar creature that makes your Lost style crash landing worth it all – but it’s not a bird. It’s a reptile. Your specialty may not be lizards, but that’s definitely no-doubt-about-it the same species as the one thousands of miles away – back home. How did he get here? This place is untouched! Did he turn into a dragon centuries ago, fly here, and then lose the wings again after a few generations?
This is a (hyperbolic, ludicrous, probably flawed, and arguably a little dark) hypothetical version of what Darwin posed a while back when he was also spitballing the whole evolutionary thing. And two camps formed. His theory? Something called “jump dispersal”. When the wingless creatures’ current conditions wherever they were started going way of the Titanic, they jumped ship. But instead of giving up like two romantic assholes with no logic, the alpha Jacks and Roses badassed their way to safety till they found new land and new resources. Did they have wings or fins? Nope. But much the way a baby knows to hold its breath when submerged in a pool or my dog starts air-swimming if I hold her two feet above running water, survival instincts kick in and as they say in Jurassic park:
(I’d like to find my way into Jeff’s life #IYKWIM)
So that’s “jump dispersal”. They “jump” from one island to the next.
Sometimes literally by blowing in the wind (if they’re small enough)
Or by hitching a ride on reeds. Or a mat of branches.
Maybe even an iceberg (and the Titanic metaphor comes full circle).
Meanwhile, over at the Mean Girls table of the evolutionary lunch room, this was being mocked worse than failing to comply with pink protocol on Wednesday. Darwin and his ridiculous theory were both banished to go sit with the kids who wear meat on their faces. Lizards? Floating for miles and miles? On what – a centaur? And to where? Narnia? Pshhhyeah. Right.
“Stop trying to make far-fetched happen!”
And what did the science plastics have on their lunch trays?
Why, the popular topic of “vicariance”.
These species didn’t “jump”, they said.
They trotted over on a land bridge, they said.
And this land-bridge theory was widely accepted for a long time – enough to eschew vicariance altogether as a plausible explanache. Until people started realizing that the timeline of how these species were evolving on these far removed land masses, compared to when the land masses were formed…. didn’t always match up. Then, finally, this dude called Matzke (easy name to remember – “mats” of vegetation are the “key” to how the species sailed to new land. Unless I’m horribly mispronouncing his name like an embarassing Caddy/Katie faux pas), has made a program comparing the two models. And, boom. The vicariance bridge theory (as being the only theory) is blown outta the water (and presumably the creatures used its debris like castaway boats in search of new real estate many moons across the waves). So jump dispersal and the dude who claimed it (posthumously) both get a Spring Fling queen crown.
But, much like the movie, in the end these two theories learn they can peacefully coexist.
“Matzke goes on to remind us that just because an event is extremely rare on human timescales does not necessarily mean it is rare over geological timescales. Of course, this research is not dismissing vicariance, but does suggest that both methods have probably played roles in shaping biodiversity on Earth.”
But I suppose, however, that if you’re a balls to the wall born again fan of the man in the sky (or just too lazy to think for yourself – *note these two things aren’t mutually exclusive characteristics) then you might have your own idea.
One that doesn’t include vicariance or jump dispersal for traversing large water bodies.
Your move, science.