It’s a little late, but…
Maybe I will dress up for Halloween after all.
I mean, just to answer the door to the neighborhood brats and pass out candy.
But mostly, it’ll be so that I have an excuse to design a badass costume that combines pop culture with my fave Tarantino character. This genius idea came to me today as I ruminated meditatively during the morning hours, while inundating my swallow socket with a fruit deluge and watching a repeat vid clip of the “Daily Show”. It ended up being the kind of slapstick sketch that makes you cry-LOL, while shouting “Stupid!” out loud to absolutely no one, save for a confused shih-tzu. But it was good fun nonetheless because despite all its goofery, it rightfully pointed a finger and poked fun at the pointlessly incessant outbreak alarms of media reporting on a virus whose mention’s gone more viral than it has (at least here in ‘murica). And as I watched Stewart traipse onto the set in that electric yellow bio hazard suit (one that, to be honest, deep down tickled my fear organ enough to remind me I need to order a family pack of my own before one of the apocalypses happens and we’re all locked down in a town wide quarantine), I thought to myself, “Duh”:
“I AM GONNA KILL… ‘BOLA”
Right? Has this been done yet?
Really, all’s I gotta do is order the Beatrix Kiddo yellow slayer track suit, add a quarantine mask, and (obv.) a sword. “But, Ashley… you can’t kill ebola with a sword…” Mhmm. Yes. You’re quite right. Other things we can’t kill it with are fear-mongering needlessly (no one thinks rationally with a brain full’a anxious). Or ignoring the problem by cutting off our borders (as a friend recently said, it’s like someone putting towels around a door when the rest of the house is on fire versus, ya know, going and putting out the actual fire). So, in my humble opinion – compared to the usefulness of everything else we’ve employed to combat it thus far – I’d say a Hattori Hanzo’s as good a weapon as any.
Sidenote: I was gonna do “cure ‘bola”, but it doesn’t roll of the tongue so smoothly.
Maybe next year. If we’re still alive.
“One ticket to Africa, please…”
