I love seeing “Louie” (Louis C.K.’s show) make news.
And when it did yesterday, it was about a “Seven Minute Fat Girl Rant”.
Delivered by guest actress Sarah Baker, the show stealing scene featured her character Vanessa appointing Louie to represent all men. She chastises him for not acknowledging her fatness and asks why a guy like him wouldn’t date a fat girl like her when they “totally match”.
Oy vey. Where do we start?
Let’s start with the good stuff so that we all know I’m not player hater of play-doh bodies. The positive parts of this scripted rant were her desires to have an honest discussion and human connection regardless of surface features. Also, Sarah Baker is fantastically dry-humor funny. Which is great.
Vanessa’s tangent happens after Louie tries to say “Oh…you’re not…fat…” They’d just started effing hanging out. They don’t know each other well yet. From her point of view, the “you’re not fat” consolation lie means “you’re (Louie/all men) not seeing me for who I am.” From his, everything he’s been told about feeling-hurting is lie. And while I get where the character’s coming from, I have a few counterpoints to offer…
1. “You’re not seeing me for who I am”
Do you know who you are?
Fat’s not who you are, darling. It’s not what you are either.
Fat may be how you are today, but it’s not who you are forever.
It’s your body – which is totally changeable. If you lost half a human in lb.’s by next month – would fat lady still be “who you are?” Nah, girl. Giving an indelible tubby title to yourself is tantamount to giving up. And you’re better than that.
2. “The meanest thing you can say to a fat girl is you’re not fat.”
Really?
Did you know that? I didn’t know that.
Louie’s not psychic. He’s just trying to comply with social etiquette. That “Do I look fat in these pants?/The answer is always no” running gag didn’t become sitcom ubiquitous for no reason. Am I saying it’s right that we validate the untruths we tell ourselves? No. But until the bigger whoppers of society start to die off, most people won’t know how to relinquish lil white lies about big white ladies. Especially to still-strangers.
3. “We match!”
“If you were standing over there looking at us, you know what you’d see?
Two people who ‘go together’…”
The assumption that “fat people go together” is almost as superficial as her measuring identity in adipose. Let’s review. You’re both tubby. But that’s today. Transient. Subject to change. Like the last point – if he lost weight, would he still match you?
So, who is this 3rd person omniscient voyeur she’s referring to? And why would they match you based on mass? You click ’cause you both could paint a canvas masterpiece in ketchup of FatBurger’s interior, while neither know what the inside of a gym looks like? That’s not a thing. People don’t just match cuzza the outside stuff. It doesn’t work for hot people either. Often, they just out-lift, out-vain, and out-asshole eachother. So, if “fat” IS your common bond, that’s fine.
But you have to like the same fat things. Not just share sizeable silhouettes.
4. “You’re afraid you belong with someone like me”
Project much?
Vanessa accuses Louie of deferring dates with fat chicks because he’s afraid that’s exactly the dating strata he belongs in. Tally time: She’s already defined her own identity using a superficial yardstick. Next she defined dating rules using a superficial fat-match system. Now, she’s assuming that every man doesn’t want to date fat girls. I feel like someone should hand her a pamphlet on taking an outer-race trip for man material.
But I understand – fat is one first thing we see as sensory input beings.
For those deterred by double large folk, there’s a reason. It’s a visible manifestation of perceived lack. An inner sad-face emoji, worn like an overcoat of corpulence. Many closet depressed use excess to cope. Excess is unattractive because it’s a sign of no self-control. Louie’s self-aware of his similar shortcomings. He jokes about it onstage.
But he doesn’t want a mirror for a mate. If I have to be exclusive, I want someone who brings out what sliver of good I have. We don’t like dealing with downer Debbies unless we already feel obligated to love them. Good examples? Blood relatives and being tricked into relationships. The latter happens when you catch a fly in your web of hidden compulsions. Can’t do that with food. Unlike drugs or wanking, it appears as a scarlet letter jello layer.
5. “Dating as a fat girl SUCKS”
Okay?
Louie, with his fame and natural laughter aphrodisiac has litter pick.
He doesn’t have to change anything to be adored. But let’s talk about Joe Schmoes and Jane Does. Let’s also talk about what we can and can’t change. What you can’t change is Mr. C.K. And since we’re using him in this scene to rep all men, well you can’t change all of them either. You also can’t change false advertising, double standards, or the fact that gutter dwelling clowns are terrifying. You know what you can change?
You.
If your perception is that all men hate dating fat women, okay. Perception is reality. So that’s your truth. But you can’t change their perception of you. Knowing that it sucks to date AS a fat girl gives you two options: change your perception or change your fat girl status. We’ve already said fat is about as permanent as a French pedicure at the beach. So why not work on that? Do you really want someone to date you because you spent the better part of ten minutes venting at him? I mean, if you get into a relationship with him, that’s how every debate’s gonna go.
That’s a lot of energy, girl.
The surprise ending to “So did the fat lady” is that she “just wanted someone to hold hands with and walk and talk”. Human connection regardless of how we look. That I totally believe in. And I guess the Louie character did too, because he immediately grabs her hand and they walk off into the sunset.
Or maybe he just did it to shut her up after doing this for five hours:
