I used to date a guy who would wake up in the morning, make a cup of coffee, drink about three quarters of it, and then faceplant back into the sheets he’d just left. I’d watch on in bewilderment, silently sipping my own morning joe and trying to process it all with a cocker spaniel cocked head. Then, I’d hear the muffled snoring into the bedclothes and wonder if I should maybe wake him before he suffocated on his own Egyptian cotton. However, every time, without fail – he’d awaken right around the ten minute mark like a Pulp Fiction character, and sprint to the shower.
He’d then emerge transformed, rejuvenated, gleeful even – and head to work.
(Meanwhile, I sat immobile, guarding my coffee mug like a prisoner does his lunch.)
Finally, I asked my then-boyfriend one day “How do you do that? Go back to sleep after coffee?” His reply was that he didn’t know. He just got really tired – so he’d nap, and then woke up on his own and didn’t even need a second alarm. It never dawned on me to give it a try myself. I just figured it was a “guy” thing, a genetic thing, or basically just a not-something-I-could-ever-do-so-why-try thing. But I might now ‘cause apparently there’s some body logic behind this, according to a Discovery news piece I just saw like five minutes ago.
Yep. Just when I think I know everything about there is to know about coffee, science comes in like barista bully and puts my Venti sized ego into a short espresso shot cup. Because – to my shame – I either never learned or remembered the fact that we have this thing called an adenosine level that rises through the day. What this level does is make us sleepier and sleepier as the day wears on until we pass out on our laptop keyboards.
Then, after we wake up with a face full’a squares and an upside down screen full of hieroglyphics, we start again with those sleepy-inducing adenosine levels nice and low. The general idea is (that because we burn them off during sleep), if we take a short 20 minute-at-the-max nap, we can also burn them then. The yes-and idea that involves your inner latte addict, is that if you guzzle the stuff and lay down immediately, you’ll arise at superhuman status in under half an hour because you’ve got the two fold effects of natural levels (adenosine) and unnatural levels (caffeine) working in your favor.
I’d say I’m gonna start doing this ASAP, but I’ve still got research to do and questions I need answered. Also, I’m stalling because change is hard and I’m used to doing things my way. But f’real – I wanna know what happens if I have a second cup of coffee later? Will it be caffeine overload? And what happens at nighttime after I’ve lowered the adenosine levels I need to get to sleep? Will it have built back up again naturally? Or will I be an insomnia monster? Also, I love sipping away at my coffee while I’m typing and you’re meant to take your pre-nap morning-cap of caffeine as quick as a Tequila shot. That way it’ll peak right around the 20 minute mark when you wake up with sleepy-inducing adenosine levels lowered from your nap, and wakeup-inducing caffeine levels high from finally circulating in your body. Although I like the idea of being badassed outta bed spontaneously like legal roid rage so that I can fcck my workday in the face, is it worth it?
I mean, it leaves zero room for my favorite pastime of lollygag ingesting and having to re-nuke my morning mug every half hour until it’s basically nighttime again. Also, when I reflect on my ex’s habits – he went off to work pretty happy and he even came home happier than I was after work – but by nighttime he was pretty displeased with life and general and ready to go slash tires and stuff. You’d think that’d be a deterrent for me. But since that’s how I feel most nights anyway, I’m all for experimenting with this thing that might at least make the day part better.
So… as your faithful guinea pig, I’ll try it this week.
Stay tuned for a caffeine O.D. induced Salton Sea style sleepless rant this week.
