Ever go to the doctor and he’s like,

“Nah, man, we can’t give you the antibiotic because we don’t know what it is?”

So you’re like, “Dude, why not just do it anyway – in case? Get a head start?”

And he starts talking some shiz about “overprescription” like you’re a junkie asking for narcos?

Then you leave feeling equal parts confused but too exhausted from sickness to care about a med-jargon infused explanache? Simply put: bacteria (even ones not making you sick) are all over your body. And much like you’re the better version of your parents, bacteria “improve” each generation too. Except that “improvement” means they’re better equipped to kick your ass AND the antibiotics you murdered their parents with. Thing is, they multiply like rabbits on bath salts, so the badassery happens hella faster. And that’s called “antibiotic resistance”.

That term sounds so boring.

You know what’s not, though?

This:

Oh, no… you weren’t ready for that?

Yeah, no one’s ever ready for MRSA infection.

I’ve shared a breakdown of this before with the equally-albeit-more-irrationally-so terrifying analogy of spiders. And make no mistake, antibiotic resistance can and does lead to horrors like the above lovely image. And many times it’s because the body bugs learn how to beat your pharmaceutical weaponry. Then, when you pass on your bugs in the checkout lane to some stranger who never takes meds for infections, they start wondering why their limbs are rotting off within the next few weeks (because now they’ve got the monsters you’ve unwittingly bred in your body lab).

So that’s why your doctor bogarts it.

Now, however, over yonder in Switzerland… the solution’s in the works. This shiz is just as much next-level as it is “duh” that I wonder how we haven’t done it before. What their antibiotic shoe-in does is troll the bacteria into dying. They’re made of stuff that essentially looks and feels like a real human cell advertising “come ‘n get me boys…” But then when the bacteria go to inject their toxins, this army of decoy-like liposomes (That’s what they’re called. Remember that word so you can look cool to mom and dad at the dinner table later on tonight) pac man that shiz up, neutralize it, and shiz it out.

It’s like a defensive reverse Trojan horse maneuver – because this army of liposome knights have the virtue of patience versus proactive smiting skills. Instead of dropping a battle axe down on the enemy, they just wait for them to set the villages on fire. And then just, ya know, put the fires out.

So, what’s the bacteria’s fate?

Basically, it’s like the king our liposome knights are battling is Henry VIII (in this analogy, a synecdoche for the collective bacterial population). And that king porks all these hot hussies who promise him a son (only to learn nunna them can even conceive). Except in this story, the wives are don’t lose their heads. Henry still dies from being a whore who can’t stop spreading his toxic seed (syphilis for King Ginger; exotoxins for the bugs). But as he dies of STD perforated sponge-brain, he does so with no heir. No son to wield the scepter from this septic throne in a brave new carnal kingdom they’ve invaded. All the while crying, “A whore! My kingdom for a whore!” #wrongking

Anyway, so that’s why I’m kinda amped to see this thing enter the pharmaceutical battlefield.

So we don’t hafta battle our seemingly greedy ass doctors anymore for a quick script fix.

Afterthought: Wonder if they’ll tweak it to dispatch viral enemies too?