Hate brushing your teeth?

Too inconvenient to be hygienic? Can’t be bothered?

Me either. Let’s just let them rot now… and then remineralize them later.

bridesteeth

’cause that’s a thing we can do now.

That’s right. A painless way to counteract cavities has finally been discovered. Researchers at King’s College in London created a way to circumvent the usual annoyance that goes with the wake up call that you’re a shitty tooth brusher and disgusting human being in general. What happens is a two-stage treatment that puts your toofuses in a sort’ve “time warp” so that they self-heal. Called “Electrically Accelerated and Enhanced Remineralization”, the use of electrical current spurs the inner-mouth makeover. The first stage attacks your tooth’s surface. Then, the current helps drive calcium and phosphate inward so that your chompers can build up the good stuff that’s been disintegrating into your head.

It’s like the fountain of youth… for your oral cuttlery!

So, in about three years, you and I can address all of our decay concerns without living in fear of so much as one power tool touching our teeth (so long as it’s not too far progressed). While this whole thing may seem like dentin wizardry, the Harry Potter process is limited thus far in that it can’t regrow whole teeth. So if your shiz is rotting too deep into your gums… better luck on the other thirty-whatever toothy pegs you’ve got left. Start brushing better and stop doing meth.

Or whatever other bad habits you have.

teethout

And while you’re passively unraveling the dental damage, would you like the “full package” that includes a smile brightener? Oh – didn’t I mention that this technology can also help whiten your teeth? Yeah, man. It’d probably hurt less than that effing bleach, too. #whynot

You know… you’re late, science. Seriously. Right after I get my first filling ever, y’all go and come up with a way to nix tooth rot without all that drilling and filling and all around bullshit I went through? Now I have to wear this invisible badge of amalgam like a scarlet letter in my skull, weighing down my conscience every time I pick up my Sensodyne. And cry.

Especially since I’m always so attentive when polishing my mouth furniture.

jimspray

Also, I need your help:

I’m trying to decide if it’s totally fitting or completely ironic that it was the British who came up with an excellent way to restore abhorrent oral hygiene that’s gone unchecked for years and years.

Or if it’s racist that I’m even wondering that.