Apparently Columbia is doing a shitty job of rape prevention.

The stats are something like one one out of five femmes getting poon wounded unwillingly – but only thirteen percent report it. Why? Probably because it’s an Ivy League school with Ivy League members of the good old boys club.

sngentelmen

So that sucks for victims seeing no rape repercussions.

But what now sucks for the assailants (#sorrynotsorry) is that the ladies are fighting back the one way they know will hurt – by tarnishing that good title. Yep.

If you can’t clock them in the cock before it happens, punt ‘em in the peen after… on the ladies’ loo wall:

rapistlist
“You taint my taint and I’ll maim your name”

Not a bad idea, really.

Although “sobriety” and “consent” were mutually exclusive concepts for me in college.

Then, sadly, the problem arose of adding fake names:

rapists2

Okay, that didn’t happen.

Well, I don’t think it did, at least. Still, false names raise a good question about falsely naming people. What exactly does “found responsible” mean versus “serial rapist”? Did he get jail time in the former? Is the latter just supposition? If so, shouldn’t the term “reportedly” precede it? What if some shrew with a vendetta ruins it for everyone else by added her ex-boyfriend who’s just an asshole – but not a rapist? These things happen, ya know.

I’m all for scrawling their guilty title on toilet tiles if they’re using their flesh flutes to abuse students. Or teachers. Or livestock on the agricultural wing of campus.

(Don’t eff animals. It’s cruel and they can’t consent either #themoreyouknow)

thathurts

And speaking of teachers and students and rapists (oh my… and no, you don’t know where this one’s going)… Not only was a freshman chick (allegedly) raped after a Rape 101 seminar, the assault was done by the instructor himself (reportedly). See what I did there? I’m not trying to diminish the chick’s claim. If he didn’t do it, I haven’t accused him. If he did, that’s equal parts awful and ironic.

(But not really when you consider the fact that Ted Bundy had a day gig saving lives on the suicide prevention hotline #notajoke)

Rape’s not funny. But as someone who’s been on the losing end of it, I find comic relief in ridiculing aggressors and the shitty officials who protect them. Hiding in solemn misery isn’t a long term plan. The event is punishment enough. So why should victims hafta chop off hair, change identity, and replace love with food too? That’s, like, more punishment. And too much work. Nope. Viva la lavatory vandalism, says I! Spotlight the snatch snipers! Drag ’em outta the assault closet and paint the brains of their names on a bathroom wall with a ballpoint bullet!!!!1

killthebeast

Just, ya know. Be smart about it.

’cause if you’re gonna play Joan of Take Back the Night, you might get slapped with some legal stuff. Like public destruction, libel, and administrative apathy . But what do you expect when the peter pushers have got the pull of a family frat name? And the university encourages victims to keep quiet?

Or this thing which takes the cake – in cursive romantic red and all:


“You will BE MY Valentine. That is NOT A REQUEST,” Beast warned, holding the delicious chocolate shard to her throat…

Sigh.

I sure look forward to the F-list reenacted bastardized version on Lifetime.