When we hate the way things are today, we have to change them.
As a society. And have a revolution.
Obviously.
For example, I don’t think I’m alone when I say I hate the way things are today. I mean, literally, today. Not “these days”. No, this fateful fall day where we have to lose an hour of daylight in the evenings. Sure, I have a home. And I get to live on earth instead of another planet where I’d have to live as a flesh puddle with eyeballs for point five seconds before evaporating altogether. I get to breathe oxygen – albeit through a stuffy Autumnal nose. These are all things to be grateful for. But I can’t be thoroughly and authentically grateful because:
(Siri, I appreciate that you’re merely the messenger. But I kinda want to shoot you right now.)
As someone horribly affected by early-onset darkness but more interested in solutions versus complaining, I started looking for ways to cope, right away. Wake up early and don’t sleep in, they say. Eat melatonin, they say. Exercise, they say. Mmmmyes. Thing is, my love, that’s what I’m already doing just to cope with being alive. What else can I do? As I wondered this earlier today, the panic began to set in, and I promptly turned into The Fresh Prince in that vampire movie, trying to do all my outdoor related foraging before the vampire mob that is cold darkness enveloped my domicile, just daring me to come out and be devoured.
And I just have to accept that?
At least five hours of having to be conscious and functional without sunlight?
When the temps already declining into arctic hell early?
No. I needed to know why I have to spend more hours of my life than necessary feeling like I’m in a spacecraft fueled by insomnia and floating through vast black space. Why do we do this to ourselves? And after looking it up on Wikipedia, my intellectual assessment is that… I still don’t really get it. Some dude came up with it a katrillion years ago? For retail and stuff? And we still do it? Can we bring him back to life so I can impale him for impaling my body clock? I mean I guess I get why they did it back in the retro-ages when life was still black and white and grainy and nobody smiled in pictures.
But like most old things, we need to revise for more modern applications.
I mean, we’re living in Futurama compared to when that was implemented. So, there’s got to be a better way now, right? It’s an outdated tradition that unlike some other stupid traditions, doesn’t even bring people closer together or serve a higher purpose. The pros don’t even match up to the cons, much less outweigh them. There’s health hazards, suicide rates go up, sleeping schedules are disrupted – so let’s change that! Who’s with me? Let’s bring down this ridiculous ancient tradition together! How many moons has it been since the sun was raped from our winters? Let’s take back the day! (Looks around the room to see which members of my coven are offended)
Thus, the best revolution would be the one those ticking hands make around a numbered face each day. Let’s stop effing with this process every fall and spring. Because, when you think about it, our clocks are basically a second manifestation of god here in America.
I didn’t make the rules. Just observing the obvious. And what’s obvious to me is that by manipulating time which is money which is god, they’re enforcing a theocracy on us! Aren’t they? Oppressors! Let’s take to the streets! Bring your anony-masks!
Let’s get this show on the road!
And finish before five!
‘cause, ya know… that’s when it gets dark. These days.