Nuclear nope news: Child-like robots for child molestors

Ugh. I didn’t want to touch this story with a ten foot blacked-out-window van with candy inside. But seeing as its trending, I’ll say this: “Normal” sex robots already exist. Now, some creepers would like to fill creeper needs with “childlike sex robots” The aim? “to rehabilitate offenders the same way you’d give methadone to an addict.” Right. Yeah. Ya know, I was addicted to painkillers once. It wasn’t fun… Read More

Girl kept in contacts half a year? Eye can’t even…

Ever slept in contact lenses? And then you wake up? And it feels like the tooth fairy came in your sleep but instead of giving you dollars for your dentin, she just used her own to eat your eyes? Today we’ll learn that eye-eating is indeed exactly what’ll happen if you leave in your lenses for half a year. Like this Taiwanese chick who kept hers in for six months… Read More

Facbook game requesters: You’re uninvited.

Well, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who’s being perpetually victimized by rapid fire invitations for pointless games grown ass humans somehow have time to play on Facebook. I was going to spend this piece ruminating on a variety of possible reasons my thoughtless so called friends might be regressing to the level where they would actually do this to someone with whom they once shared a.. Read More

Rich people craigslist: “Posh” is actually kinda tacky…

So… there’s a Craigslist for the rich folk. And I’m not entirely sure what’s more fun about this little corner of the interwebz…. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s called “Posh” which is a subsite within a larger site called “The Bloomberg Terminal” (can I supersize my order of pretentious assholery? Yes? Fantastic.) Or it could be that things like porsches and boats and airplanes and medieval castles are sold.. Read More

I wanna be judged by you, boop boop be doop!

Oh, good. I’d been looking for an excuse to write on this “how we judge our own appearances” study. I saw something about it a while ago and was just kind of lukewarm about my feelings on transforming it to a written piece. But (along with the truckstop hooker documentaries and letting James Franco write for them), I now have yet another thing to thank VICE for – spotlighting internet.. Read More